Circling Dragon, Rising Phoenix
by iCe
Summary: The marriage of the Fire Lord to his lady and their life after. It's a Chinese Wedding with Hindu elements, guys, you're invited.
1. Circling Dragon, Rising Phoenix

No warnings. Post season 3. And... there, I hope you enjoy :) This is largely a stand-alone fic, but mostly I made it for the Control!verse also found in , where Like Moths to a Flame precedes this. It can fit any of the verses in my head actually. It's just that type of fic.

**Disclaimer**: Avatar: The Last Airbender sprouted from the brilliant minds of Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko, and is owned by Nickelodeon. I'm borrowing everyone for a while. I promise to return them slightly bored, but in one piece.

**Circling Dragon, Rising Phoenix**

Zuko was really happy that his mother, in her infinite wisdom, had arranged his marriage to Mai as early as their childhood. It meant that, in the long run, he didn't need a matchmaker to woo Mai's parents into letting him marry her (not that his current state as a Fire Lord would be a grand enticement). He didn't need to burn Mai's birth date in front of the altar to wait for three blighted days to see if anything inauspicious happens. He also didn't need to negotiate and send betrothal gifts. All because Ursa had arranged it for him well before he knew he was ever going to be candidate for Fire Lord.

So what was left in their grand romance was selecting a wedding date, which was what the entire announcement for the engagement was about. Everybody in the Fire Nation **knew** he was engaged to Mai. The engagement party had been to tell the rest of the nation, that yes, they were pushing through with the old plans, and to tell everybody outside the Fire Nation that, yes, Mai was going to be his bride.

It however, did not prepare him for trying to watch the most fertile couple in the land (thirteen children in ten years) build his marriage bed in the Fire Lord's quarters with a grumpy father, a too cheerful uncle and the rest of his friends. He was smoothing the sheets after the third time Ozai claimed he was sorry for tripping the Avatar, who incidentally had been running around being completely useless anyway, while Uncle Iroh was pushing the plump cushion onto the extremely large bed.

Zuko was secretly pleased that he only had to haul the bed up instead of trying to figure out how to be a carpenter and really do it. Else he didn't know what would have happened. The auspicious couple had since gone out of the room after the bare minimum of preparing the bed and left the unruly group to themselves.

"That's a pretty large bed, Zuko, what are you planning to do with it?" this coming from Aang.

Zuko heard a slap of the palm; most probably Sokka's connecting to his face. Zuko mildly wondered if Sokka **really** wanted Aang to get hints of what happened between a male and a female if Aang was currently hung up on Katara. Seriously.

Iroh was hiding a laugh behind the facade of drinking tea. His father simply looked like he could not be bothered. But at least he had come. When Zuko had told his father that he was pushing through with the betrothal he and Ursa had arranged, Zuko had thought the former Fire Lord would simply not care. Or maybe he was simply bored out of his mind with the water tribe. Zuko had given him a rotating schedule to visit all of the places he had conquered to continue the Avatar's education of Ozai, and he was supposed to be in the Southern water tribes now.

"Play on it? It gives a nice bounce when it's this large." Zuko deadpanned. Mai's dry humor was rubbing off on him. He couldn't even believe he said that. He heard Sokka's face and palm connect again, but he didn't want to look. He'd end up laughing. Aang proceeded to try the bed, but Zuko got fed up and sent him a little fire bending to keep him off. "I just changed the **sheets**. Stay **off**."

"Nephew, the reason the avatar is here is so that children could play on the bed," Iroh reminded him softly. Children playing on the marriage bed after it was constructed would be good for fertility according to the sages. And Zuko and Mai were having the most traditional of all weddings because it was the Fire Lord's duty to uphold the nation's culture. Sometimes he wanted to throttle his Uncle for foisting that title on him. Just for the marriage rituals alone.

Ozai started laughing and throwing a handful of dates, oranges and lotus seeds while trying to pelt the avatar with it. Zuko groaned, he really did not want to know what his father found amusing. That and they were messing up the bed. He should have known that he should have kept this strictly private, but his father had wanted to see. And it was his father's old room, what could he do but give in? It's the first time since Sozin's comet that he and his father had this male bonding moment. Or whatever it is that this charade passed for. Besides, his uncle had told him that it was time to forgive his father for being such an ass. He didn't have to like the man for Ozai to be present for the wedding.

And then the rest of the gang decided that they wanted to see the bed too. Which is where the entire trouble began in the first place. How was he going to get children on the bed if all the males he knew in existence were already **on** it.

Sokka was already rooting for pomegranates that Ozai was throwing about, and Aang was going for the lotus seeds. And no matter how **childish** they looked at the moment, they were not **children**, which was what tradition demanded. Because that was what they were wishing for with the marriage bed. A lot of **children** and in no way was he wishing for a lot of Sokkas and Aangs. One of each was enough for his lifetime.

He opened the suite doors, where a bunch of rag tag children were assembled. He sighed as he waved towards the bed. Ozai was still throwing the treats that symbolized fertility on it. "Well, if you can fight with them for the fruit, you've more than earned it."

He then sat beside his uncle as he watched the mad scramble. "Are you sure that it's supposed to be fun watching them?"

"I remember it being better when I was married," Iroh said after watching for a while. "Oh, don't forget, tonight's the night when Mai's family pulls off the music night for the groom."

Zuko groaned. He hated music night; this was going to be a long version of it, with Mai's parents and family being there and Mai nowhere to commiserate. Aang zipped towards him, half of a sliver of orange hanging through his mouth. He brought up a thread and tied it around Zuko's hand. "For good luck."

Zuko stared at his wrist for a moment, and then looked across the room. His father was staring at a similar thread around his wrist with an indescribable look on his face.

"Yeah, for luck." Zuko echoed.

oOo

In the five years that Azula had been institutionalized, so to speak, there had been signs of wonderful improvement. So much so that she had been allowed to join the festivities surrounding the wedding of the century, as a lot of people had started calling it. There were rumors that it could only be beaten by the Avatar's own nuptials.

Ty Lee had also joined in, and it almost felt like old times, with less of Azula's hormonal anger. Of course, Azula was not really into singing laments but she was all into cursing the matchmaker and all of their parents. "Whose harebrained idea was it in the first place to betroth the two most idiotic people in the world anyway? Marrying Miss Deadpan to Mister Leap-before-you-think."

"But their aura is **pink** together, Azula." Ty Lee pointed out. "Oh, but I'm supposed to go: I curse the matchmaker and your parents!"

"Better curse Mai's parents too!" Suki reminded her cheerfully. Suki was the only one of Zuko's friends that Mai had been comfortable enough to invite to the wedding preparations on her end. That and Mai was pretty sure that Suki could handle Azula, and Ty Lee being an adopted Kiyoshi warrior would not leave her out of the conversations.

Mai sighed. Really, she didn't get the point of retreating into her own room for days since she's actually seen and been with Zuko for the past five years anyway. It wasn't exactly the most traditional of all betrothals especially since he had left her **twice**.

"Let's just forget about this part of tradition and finish the ritual cleansing?" Mai ordered as she scrubbed herself with a rag while glaring at Azula. The pomelo infused waters gave a nice citrus scent in the room that was heady but also a little grating on the nerves. She didn't think she'd get enough lamenting from these three anyway. She honestly didn't know why her parents even bothered with that.

Suki, because she wasn't Fire Nation, didn't really understand most of the rituals. Ty Lee pouted, because Ty Lee loved tradition, even if it meant largely wailing and bemoaning the fact that Mai was leaving her household. Azula though, promptly doused her with a load of pomelo water and offered her one set of under things.

"Maybe we should get a matchmaker and betroth you too, Azula," Mai suggested as she dried herself with a towel that Ty Lee had given her. Suki snickered at that while helping Mai dry herself. Mai could think of a couple of people that were ambitious enough to want to marry Azula. She just didn't think it was wise politically for her and Zuko to bargain his sister away.

"I can stand alone," Azula retorted as Mai snatched the undergarments from the princess' fingers and stepped into them. Azula had already prepared the dragon-and-phoenix candles in an arc around the bathing chambers and snapped to light them.

The firebending was a little erratic, but it settled to a low light. Mai gave Azula a look that she had hoped conveyed 'behave', before she sat in front of the dragon-and-phoenix candles to let her hair be arranged by either Azula or Tai Lee. Suki didn't know enough of the Fire Nation styles to fix hair. Mai let out a small laugh when she saw the intertwining of the dragon and the phoenix in front of her. Azula tightened her hold on Mai's shoulder signifying that she was close to losing patience, and Mai sighed, because she knew Azula was going to ask. She didn't want to get into another fight on the day of her wedding so she turned the thought in her head. Azula was not going to like the answer to the unasked question no matter how she phrased it.

"You do realize, that the phoenix symbolizes yin," Mai explained as she traced the embossed dragon and phoenix across the candles. Azula was pointedly ignoring her, but Mai knew that Azula might seem to dismiss things out of hand, but she listened. It's what made her a people person. Mai continued on with her startlingly absurd and hilarious revelation, "Your father created a title that was essentially a female representation."

Azula's hands on Mai stopped as she processed that statement. It was Ty Lee that saved all of them from either killing each other or laughing hysterically. "Maybe, he was trying to tell the world that he's **gay**. He has been gone in that Water Tribe nation for such a **looong** time."

"Don't be absurd!" Azula snapped out as she gathered Mai's hair again. "If father wanted to tell the world he was interested in men, he would have said it straight out. He is rather straightforward when he wants things. I can't imagine a peasant male holding his attention for long."

Mai had to agree on Azula's assessment. The former Phoenix King took what he wanted when he wants it. He didn't need subtlety. She tried to change the subject; she really did not want to get into a fight during her wedding day, "You're supposed to say lucky words while you're dressing my hair, you know."

Azula shrugged. It was a wonder the princess even knew how to dress hair. She was spoiled that way. "It's the freaking dawn, Mai. I don't wake up earlier than when the sun casts it's light higher than this. My older brother barely visits me because his advisers think I might harm him — more than necessary — and my **friend** decides to get married behind my back after betraying me. I'm allowed to be grumpy."

Well, at least Azula was taking this rather well.

Ty Lee was already reaching for Mai hands when Mai noticed that she had the black paste that Ty Lee had prepared. She started styling Mai's hands with a light calligraphic brush and henna. Mai hoped her hands didn't end up having ponies. Ty Lee was not known for being grounded any more than Azula was known for being sane. But they were her friends. If she couldn't be with them for this moment in her life, who should she have brought? "Remember to leave a round spot on the right hand."

Ty Lee made agreeing noises as she stuck her tongue out on the side of her mouth while drawing in concentration.

Suki had taken another henna stick and was applying henna to Mai's feet copying the swirling strokes Ty Lee was applying on her hands onto the feet. Although Suki didn't know much about the proceedings, after getting a hang of the applicator, she worked in an intricate design with arcs, some vines and mostly flowers found in Kiyoshi.

"I'm not carrying you on my back," Azula said succinctly as she twisted and twirled more of Mai's hair around her fingers.

"Honestly? You're going to let Toph do it?" Mai deadpanned. At Azula's blank look, Mai sighed. "Toph. Blind Earth Bender girl. Part of the Avatar's gang."

Suki laughed at the description, but didn't comment. It was already a strain to be in Azula's presence as it was. It had been a gamble to let Zuko's friends mingle with Azula, but the war has been over for five years, and it wasn't as much of a hardship as it could have been right after Sozin's comet. Besides, festivities always brought out the good side of people.

"Who the hell said anything about that blind girl?" Azula asked bewildered at the turn the conversation was taking.

"Well you weren't going to do it. I honestly didn't think you'd relegate the duties of most senior sister-in-law to Toph but Zuko offered her if you weren't." Zuko had said that Toph could act as his sister if Azula wouldn't completely go through with tradition. As an heiress, Toph knew most of the traditional wedding arrangements in court.

"She could be the 'good luck woman'," Azula dismissed as she put the final strands of Mai's hair in the elaborate coiffure that shouted 'married' to whoever saw it. "I'm not carrying you anywhere."

It wasn't quite how Mai imagined her Hair Dressing Ritual would go, but it would do.

In the end Toph did carry her, with much grumbling and much grousing. Azula simply laughed in the background. "I swear knife-hand, you're heavier than a stone," Toph said as she placed Mai down inside the main hall. Her mother then presented her with her wedding clothes. The fire red dress, embossed with the phoenix in golds and blacks. The heavy red coat that adorned her shoulders and kept the dress hidden, and a fine red silk veil that covered her face, hanging from a Phoenix crown.

She was really getting married. She gulped in sudden distress. Until the veil, everything had been so **normal**.

Ty Lee bent in front of her to help her don silk shoes, embossed with chrysanthemums. It didn't go with the Henna that Suki applied, but it would do. Ty Lee stepped back to look at her, and clapped her hands in approval. Mai gulped.

She turned to her parents and bowed.

Oh, Agni.

She moved stiffly as she turned towards the ancestral tablets.

Underneath all the layer of clothing and the veil which completely covered her from head to foot, she felt naked without her knives.

She turned towards the tablet and sat down in wait.

_Oh, Agni, Zuko. Hurry up with your rituals. I'd go insane with boredom sitting here __**waiting**__._ She swallowed slowly. And it dawned on her. She was going to wait **without knives**.

She groaned in misery.

oOo

Zuko hadn't thought that all it would take to bring his family together was a **wedding**. Because if he'd known, he'd have tried to marry Mai earlier. His father had mostly been... nomadic... because that was the avatar's sentence on him. To live a life without bending. Since Ozai was still a political figure head, but heavily relied on firebending with no other practical skills nor sword fighting ones, Zuko had sent him away with two loyal Fire Nation guards... to roam the world.

Azula, being his sister, was with Mai because tradition required Mai's friends to be closeted with her on the eve before the wedding, and his sister to arrange Mai's hair. He wondered how that was going.

His mother hadn't stepped in the palace nor the capital in ages. She preferred keeping his uncle company in Ba Sing Sei where she could live in relative anonymity and meddle when necessary. And his uncle... his uncle was still the same old... dependable...

Okay, he needed to stop reminiscing or he would cry for his own wedding, and it wouldn't do to look weak in front of Ozai.

The capital was adorned in red, and he was also arrayed in the same Fire Nation colors. He was wearing more elaborate robe stitched with golden dragons, with red shoes and a sash that kept it all together, slinging a silk ball over his shoulder. Red was the color for good luck, and thus it was splashed everywhere they could **still** splash it on. And that had been quite the difficulty, to find things to splash more of the colors on. He smiled as he knelt in front of the family altar.

Iroh moved Zuko's five pointed crown a bit so that he could place a cap decorated with cypress leaves on Zuko. If Ozai resented the fact that Iroh was capping the Fire Lord instead of his father, he hadn't said anything. "There, Zuko, ready to go and walk to Mai's?" Iroh asked as he laid a hand on Zuko's shoulder reassuringly after he adjusted the cap.

_Was there ever a time to get ready for this?_ Zuko wondered. It wasn't that he didn't want to marry Mai. It was just that it was a change, and change sometimes was a little frightening, no matter if everyone wanted it.

"The girl's house is twenty paces from the palace gates," Ozai snapped, effectively cutting Zuko off from further reverie. "It's not going to be much of a procession, and no one much is going to see him."

Ursa sighed as she tapped Ozai's shoulder with her fan. He flinched and looked away. Zuko hadn't seen his parents in ages, and he didn't quite understand the dynamics between the two of them. "I already told you. The bridal procession will begin at the inner court yard instead of the palace walls. So that more people could see him."

"I don't understand why that's necessary," Ozai groused.

Zuko suspected his father was just being contrary. Or he just wanted to get a rise out of Ursa. But Ozai lurched forward and before Iroh could take the silken sphere that hung from Zuko's sash, he'd grabbed it and placed it on top of the bridal sedan chair. Zuko caught Iroh raising an eyebrow at Ursa, but his mother was hiding a smile beside a fan.

Tom-tom, all seven years old and clumsy had been hanging around in the background, but decided it was now his turn for the rituals. He pulled on Zuko's sleeve to get the Fire Lord's attention. Zuko smiled and knelt down to look at Tom-Tom in the eye. Tom-tom dipped his finger on the red powder on his hands before trying to draw on Zuko's forehead when Mai's uncle pulls him away. "Really, Tom-tom, you're going to mess up the Fire Lord's face, let me do it."

"No, it's all right," Zuko reassured the Warden of Boiling Rock as he stands up. He liked Tom-tom. Mai's brother was usually with his parents in the Ambassador's house set in Ba Sing Sei, so they didn't usually meet, but he indulged Mai's younger brother when he was in the palace. "You promise not to get the powder anywhere but my forehead, right Tom-tom?"

Tom-tom nods his head solemnly and stills as his uncle holds him steady for the Fire Lord's marks. It ended up lopsided, and Ursa had to bring a rag to clean some of it, but it had made Tom-tom smile and give a secret red thumb up to Zuko.

"Okay, that's about it," Zuko mutters to himself as his family and the palanquin bearers followed him towards the gate of the palace's ancestral shrine. When he threw open the doors, he was quite surprised by the number of people who came. People were already cheering and waving. "I wonder how long a fifteen minute walk would take in this."

At his exit off the palace gardens, firebenders had started with their display, fireworks were lit and gongs and drums started playing. It was probably the noisiest weddings he's ever attended and he thanked Agni that he had servants and advisers to plan this, because he didn't think he could have coped with the magnitude of it.

Someone gave him a small push, and he glared to find Sokka and the rest of the gang there, waiting for him somewhat impatiently to move. "Well we're not going to be able to eat the wedding feast if you don't start the procession, sparky!"

He should have known that was the main reason Sokka was getting impatient. "Lay off Sokka, or I'm going to tell Suki that you want to get tied down so badly you'll be begging for marriage by next year." A scared look crept into Sokka's eyes and Zuko smiled as he motioned for the Warden to hand over Tom-tom to him. "Come on, Tom-tom; let's go get your sister."

His friends had waited outside the shrine because the shrine rituals had been mostly for family. Now that he was outside, they were starting to pester him. It was good they had bee barred from the shrine itself, or they might have broken something irreplaceable... like Sozin's urn. The family was wealthy enough that their shrine had an entire little house where the family could gather and where the procession could start. Mai's family shrine was located in their great hall, if he wasn't mistaken.

He stepped out into the sunlight and people cheered, waving banners and streamers and flinging rice. He raised his arm to protect his eyes and held Tom-Tom with his other hand as they began to walk across the normally clear court yard.

"Is that a dancing lion-turtle?" Aang gasped flitting about the processional looking at the attendants with lanterns and banners. Zuko wanted to smack his head.

"No, it's a **unicorn**!" Zuko called back, but the Avatar had already zipped away, most probably to pester the musicians over something or the other, because some of the tsungi horns were starting to play out of tune.

"Older brother Zuko, could I see the unicorns?" Tom-tom asked as he looked behind them at the lengthening processional.

They hadn't even managed to exit the shrine grounds. "I'll show you when the Avatar is finished bothering it." He could have gone with a palanquin himself, but honestly, even if ordering servants did bring a smile to his face sometimes, it just wasn't him. And it was his choice. Besides, the gaudiness of the ribbons in Mai's chair and all the adornments with the Mirror was already distracting.

They managed to arrive at Mai's doorstep after much irritation with Sokka, and no scrapes from Tom-tom. The seven year old had to be carried half the way though, because the normally fifteen minute trip had taken an hour. As soon as they were visible from Mai's door, a bright song was started its trilling notes conveying welcome. Zuko grinned at Tom-tom before unsheathing his Dao sword and knocking on the wide mahogany arch. He put Tom-tom down as he came face to face with Azula and Ty Lee. Something which he'd not come to terms with when he started thinking about this entire wedding debacle.

"Hello, big brother, time to pay up." Azula held her hand out as Zuko looked at her uncertainly.

There was a large sigh in the background until Ozai managed to come to front and handed Azula a packet of red. Zuko frowned. He'd forgotten that part of the marriage rituals. Azula smiled and handed the packet of money to Ty Lee. Zuko should have known Azula was going to be the negotiator, he just hadn't figured who had assigned his father as counter to her.

"Sorry father, not good enough. Mai is prime flesh, white not even remotely sun burnt like most tropical flowers and is very astute in court." Somehow, Zuko doubted Mai was going to be very happy with the way Azula was describing her. "She's good with her knives and she doesn't whine."

Ozai frowned. Zuko could almost feel his hand grappling with the need to slap against his forehead. Because what **good** was it to make Ozai chief negotiator when the former Fire Lord didn't even consider him as good enough for anything. "Zuko is loyal, if not loyal to the correct person. And persistent to a fault. Lady Mai could do no better."

Zuko's hand clenched involuntarily once before a strong leathery one held it. He looked up to find his uncle smiling at him. "See, my prince, your father does not always think badly of you." Zuko took deep breaths to try and moderate the burning feeling behind his eyes. He was sure he was going to cry and he wasn't even **married** yet. He was just negotiating with her friends to get through the door. He hadn't wanted for his father's love for a long time now; it surprised him that when he found remnants of it he could still want it.

Zuko missed the last exchange but Azula finally relented to Ozai's wishes after being given three more money filled packets. Mai's mother came out and looked him over, then started poking and prodding his chest to which Sokka's flabbergasted and outraged replies were fast silenced by either Iroh or Ty Lee's flirting. Zuko knew it was just one of the many steps to try to get into the house and prove himself enough to be able to defend Mai when needed, but he was already eager to see Mai.

Finally, Mai's mother brought out a thin kohl set and began lining his eyes to ward off evil spirits.

"Oh, you're going to be soooo **pretty**!" Sokka exclaimed as he watched.

"If you don't shut up, I'm going to tell **everyone** that you tried Suki's dress and **liked** it!" Zuko hissed, with Mai's mother stroking the last lines of the thin kohl over his eyes.

Mai's mother gave them an indulgent smile then lit a small lamp beside the entrance before re-stamping the red fire mark on his forehead placed by Tom-tom. "Fire Lord, welcome to our house," she intoned motioning the main party inside. She led them to a formal receiving room and served them all sweet longan tea, which Iroh sipped appreciatively and Zuko with the finish of a young firebender freshly out of school — that is, fast and hot.

When she brought out trays of soup with soft boiled eggs, he knew that it was going to be a while before he saw Mai.

oOo

"I'm hardly a good luck woman, sunshine," Toph pointed out as they sat in front of the family shrine waiting for the groom's entourage to finally make it to the bride.

Mai was sitting with a half bored look on her face, hands itching to throw an absent knife, but nobody could see that through the veil. Which was doubly irritating and doubly boring. "Well, Azula refused to make you eldest sister-in-law."

"I don't want to be part of that dysfunctional family, thank you," Toph protested. She looked around, as much as a blind girl could anyway.

"Nobody sane would want to be in that family," Suki offered and sat down beside the two of them. She had, for the most part declined going with Azula and Ty Lee when greeting Zuko. She had shrugged it off, because then Mai would have to explain the entire bargaining and the chest prodding, and Mai found that she hadn't wanted to do that. "Of course no one sane falls in love so..."

Mai would have retorted something dry and witty if Toph hadn't stood up and announced, "They're coming,"

_What, coming now? _Mai thought as she struggled to compose herself, thankful for once of the veil. She wasn't prone to panic, but the thought of impending marriage to that 'dysfunctional family' as Toph put it, was suddenly looming, and she hadn't quite realized that by gaining a husband, she'd also gained his insane sister and hard-to-please father. It's a good thing she wasn't going to **live** with them. Because in-laws were known for driving wives insane. And she would fit in the family image. Perfect.

And then it didn't matter because Tom-tom was pulling Zuko through the hall entrance to stand before her. He was dressed in the usual reds of weddings and Fire Nation, but amidst all of that bright color was the dragon languidly stretched across his chest and breathing fire across his heart. It rippled across the fabric as he moved creating the illusion that it was flying.

Mai was terribly thankful that the veil hid her sudden gulp and want for water. He had that sheepish, dorky grin plastered across his face. He held his hand out to her. She clasped it in hers. "What took you so long, dork?"

"I couldn't break the soft boiled egg," he admitted as her father poured out sacred water. He looked at Zuko questioningly, before Zuko looked at Mai through the veil, trying to search for her eyes, "I promise to be Mai's purpose in life, to give her meaning. I vow to support her, to kindle her flame so that it would never go out. I commit to both of our actions and our deeds."

The vows resonated in her heart as Zuko repeated it twice more. Her mother and her father approached them and clasped both Mai's hands in Zuko's as a recitation of both their ancestors was done, but Mai wasn't listening to that, because Mai's hands were warm in his and he was smiling for her.

A small push to both of them managed to tell them that the recitation was over and managed to get them moving towards the bridal chair. Suki had taken a parasol and was already shielding them as Toph threw rice grains at them. Aang joined in too, while Sokka, she saw, was still nibbling on one of the dishes pilfered from the welcoming feast.

"I don't see Katara," Mai observed as they walked slowly, because once they reached the chair, they'd be forced to walk separately again. "Did you invite her?"

"Of course I did! Next to Toph, she's practically my sister." Zuko looked around. "She wasn't part of my procession. Was she a part of yours?"

Mai shook her head. But any conversation on the topic was cut short as they arrived at the palanquin that would bear her. She smiled at the mirror, reflecting the light and would 'protect her from evil influence', a lot of the things that were laid on the bridal palanquin were to strain out evil.

Firebenders were starting to bend again, showering sparks on them in arcs as she entered the palanquin. Zuko was holding the curtain up. He grinned at her. "See you in a while, Mai." Then he dropped the curtain leaving her alone with the silk ball and the smattering of grains against the palanquin started again. She sighed. Traditional weddings were such a pain.

She should have told Zuko that they should elope.

There was bending everywhere, so it was hot, and she could hear the fireworks and the cheers, but when the palanquin jolted to a stop, she was glad. Zuko lifted the curtains from the palanquin and helped her down on a red mat that was rolled for the occasion.

She took a deep breath. All the servants of the palace were arranged flanking the sanctum doors. Usually, they would have performed the wedding inside, but because it was the Fire Lord's wedding, most of the formal rites were going to be done on the platform where he announced formal proclamations. The same one where he and Aang announced that they were entering an era of peace and **love**. Her Fire Lord was a dork.

Katara was there with a jar of water and she bent it out before sending it to circle Zuko, to cleanse him before entering the threshold with her. If they hadn't had a waterbender with them, Ursa would have anointed him with oils as they stepped through the threshold. After she was done, Katara heaved the clay vessel had once contained the water she used to purify Zuko and smashed it. Katara grinned at them and Zuko whispered to Mai, "There she is." Katara waved for them to continue.

Zuko was holding her arm as they walked, and he already bent flame so there was a small wall of fire that separated the platform and them, almost similar to the wall of fire found in the throne room. Mai stopped in front of the threshold, a little worried. "Will that fire burn my dress?"

"You've never asked that of my fire before," Zuko pointed out.

That was because before, she wasn't in front of an audience with the possibility of showing her skin. But she stepped through the fire anyway; as soon as she was close enough the wall had banked and moderated allowing her to pass. Zuko followed her grinning. She rolled her eyes, but it held less satisfaction than when he could see her. She was as free of evil spirits as it was going to get. One of the sages bent flame and cast it around her like a dragon coiling through her before letting go. Finally another one gave her a string of copper coins, which Mai kept as a bracelet.

Ursa, who had been waiting behind the sages, knelt before them with a tray of milk and she washed Mai's feet and then Zuko's, before Katara, ever the handy waterbender, made a motion with her hands that dried their feet. Ursa gave a parting kiss to Zuko before tipping over a small vessel filled with coins.

As soon as they reached the highest and most visible part of the platform, people cheered. Zuko waved dorkily and Mai appeased them with one as well. As soon as they quieted down, Zuko turned her to face him.

"So, ready to get married?"

"I wouldn't have allowed this boredom if I wasn't."

Zuko laughed until finally, he raised her veil. It was red, thin and rather flimsy, but it had hidden her face well. He inhaled sharply, as if it was the first time he'd seen her in ages. Just like the light in his eyes when she'd returned to him after Sozin's Comet. As if he'd waited for this moment to start breathing again.

"Hi," he whispered as he touched his forehead against hers.

She smiled. **This** was the reason why she was getting married. "Hi."

He pulled away reluctantly as he bent flame into his hands. If she had been a firebender, she would have bent flame into her hands too, instead, she brought her hands over his, his flame playing slightly above her palm as it would if it was on a candle's wick, him cupping her hands.

They both raised their hands slowly, until the flame flared and flickered brightly into the sky, dissipating in a shower of color to blanket all those who gathered to witness the Fire Lord's marriage. To thank the Heaven. He enclosed her hands between his, and lit another flame just on top of their hands again as they slowly knelt down to feel the platform's stone. He sank the flame into the stones until she could feel the heat warming her toes. A flare of power felt by those who knelt along with them. To thank the Earth.

He grinned. "The last time I lit a fire like that, it was with Aang, trying to bring it to the dragons." He pulled her up from the kneeling position and turned both of them to face the general vicinity of Zuko's ancestral shrine before bowing deeply. "This would be the time to worship the Kitchen God."

"We should tell Sokka that one," Mai quipped as they both turned towards the small incense holder that was brought up into the platform for them and lit two sticks. Zuko was already bending a flame large enough for their audience to see in a large ceremonial vase, and the Sages held it and consecrated it for him as Zuko held his hand out for Mai.

She gripped his right hand and smiled as she led him around the Holy Fire. It was hot, the flame was large and the clothes were sticky, but they managed to circle the fire six times. Each circle was a promise, from Zuko to her. Witnessed by Agni alone, these vows were her promises to him. His earlier words were for her family. This was his promise to Mai. It was solemn and it was theirs alone.

At the last round he took the lead from her and then stopped finally where they began circling on the platform. "I will be the Dragon, and you will be my Phoenix. Let me be the Heaven and you the Earth. Let me be the sun, and you its wearer. Let me be the mind and you its spokesman."

Her heart clenched. "Of course." Because there was no doubt. Not about this.

There was cheering and another dorky wave from Zuko before they managed a dignified retreat towards the palace. One more step.

They retreated to the family living room, where everyone was already gathered and Mai sat at a low table where a tea-set was already prepared. Mai poured tea into small cups and added two lotus seeds in each of the cups.

She took the tea tray and offered one to Ursa, which she accepted with a smile and one to both Iroh and Ozai. Iroh had the happy content look that she was accustomed to seeing, and Ozai had the perpetual frown. It didn't matter to her much. She looked at Zuko.

Finally married.

She'd barely served the tea before he'd dragged her out of the room and ran towards the Fire Lord's chambers. "I've missed you, Mai." He said as they half-ran half-skipped through the palace. The servants they met all had silly smiles plastered on their faces.

They managed to get to that large bed without mishap. She didn't want to be the one to remind him this but...

"Hey, sparky, what a LOOOONG wedding!" Sokka said as he stepped through the doors he'd just flung open.

Zuko groaned as he released Mai.

"You forgot they were going to tease us until midnight, weren't you?" Mai said a little exasperated as Zuko flopped on the bed defeated.

"A marriage bed should be sacrosanct!" Zuko complained.

"Big words, hotstuff!" This coming from Toph whose entrance heralded Suki, Katara and Aang.

"Hey... look at the shiny coins! I can read _Yue_!" Sokka shouted as he picked the Fire Nation marriage coins that Mai had dropped from the floor. He flipped it over to look at the other side in morbid fascination. "WHAT are they DOING in this COIN?"

Mai patted Zuko's knee. "Look on the bright side. At least Azula and Ty Lee are with your family."

**Author's notes**  
I was toying with the idea of a Chinese wedding, because of all the Eastern Asia influence set in the story for Fire Nation. However, Agni, is a Hindu god, and therefore I wanted a Hindu wedding too. In the end I mixed the two a bit because there are some similarities. I couldn't really do it well because there are some things in Hindu weddings that can't really mix well with the Chinese customs, especially since in India the ceremonies are mostly in the bride's house and in China it the ceremonies are in the groom's house, but I hoped it worked. I in no way mean disrespect to the religion, and am just trying to guage what a Fire Nation marriage in Avatar world is.

So anyway, mostly this is a Chinese wedding, with some Hindu influences.

I think the telling of this was largely STILTED, not the usual style for me at all, so if you have suggestions in the grammar department, be sure to write criticize and inform me :)

I thought that after Sozin's comet there must be **some** way to get that weird crazy family together. And here it is. I think. I hope... er...

I hope you enjoyed. Spread the Maiko love. Haha :)

RESOURCE for the fic, uh found mainly in my livejournal ice of dreams. Because we all know how great is with linking out

**BONUS Deleted scene:**

"I hate politics," Zuko complained as he sat in the middle of his study while Mai was eating a cake and watching him.

Mai gave him a long stare before giving him an exhasperated sigh. "This isn't politics, Zuko, and the betrothal was considered binding when my parents agreed to take mated turtle-ducks and all the other things. I doubt they can actually give back a lot of the wealth Queen Mother Ursa sent."

"Yes, and you sent this serving girl as a dowry, I remember," Zuko pressed his forehead against his hand trying to remember which serving girl it had been, coming up woefully blank.

"My mother wanted to show Prince Ozai that we were wealthy, of course she'd send a serving girl," Mai deadpanned bringing another cake to her lips. "You don't need to send another round of Dragon and Phoenix cakes to my family."

"But how are they going to get invited then? Nobody knows!" The dragon and phoenix cakes were sent out as invitations to the bride's families.

"Everybody **knows** Zuko, it was the point of the engagement party! So that you don't go through the hassle of giving everybody dragon and phoenix cakes **again**." She moved around his desk and massaged his tense shoulders. She should have known the marriage was going to agitate him. "This isn't about the betrothal gifts, is it?"

He groaned and arched into her hands involountarily. He should have known that she'd find out eventually. She always knew. "We haven't talked to Azula or father about this yet. I haven't even talked to your parents in so long."

Her nails dug into his shoulder briefly before relaxing. "I'll talk to Azula, I can handle her. You can go and find Lord Ozai and I'll fit talking to my parents in the middle of all of **this**."

"I wouldn't have brought it up if they weren't needed for... the hair combing and the capping... and well... all that." Zuko mumbled. They had wanted to get married. He just hadn't thought of all the tradition that went about it until he'd been painfully reminded of it.

Mai's voice softened. "But maybe, after this we can actually reconcile our deranged families, right? Some good has to come of it."

"I'm all right with Azula and you Mai." Zuko shrugged, Mai and Azula had been friends before. They will be friends again sooner or later. And maybe if that fails, he was going to ask Toph to represent his sister. "I'm just worried that father will take it badly that I'm asking Uncle Iroh to do the capping is all."

Mai knelt down beside Zuko and tipped his face to look at her. "Ozai might have given you life, Zuko, but we all know that it was Uncle Iroh that gave you love. So I don't care if he takes it badly.


	2. Turtleduck

**Little Plug before anything:**

I was thinking that since there was a lack of long stories revolving Maiko that we should start a Maiko big bang challenge. Write 15,000 words in a span of say 3 months and release it together as a big bang(what is a big bang? It's a write a fic of 15,000 words or more challenge in a set topic that is, Maiko). We're discussing it here **community. livejournal. com / maizuko / 142704. html **you won't need a livejournal to join the big bang, as long as you regularly communicate at the designated times with the mods (most probably me). Authors and artists are welcome, PM me here or leave a comment in that livejournal post above (with means of contacting you of course) if you're interested. I'm doing a headcount, if we get more than ten people to join then I'm doing it, so please please please, if you're interested in writing for it or doing manips/artwork or BETA-ing then please contact me. Otherwise the dream of the bigbang will just be… well a dream.

* * *

**Disclaimer**: Avatar: The Last Airbender sprouted from the brilliant minds of Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko, and is owned by Nickelodeon. I'm borrowing all the girls and Zuko for a while. I promise I'll return them.

* * *

**Turtle-duck**

* * *

The no gossiping was easy. Mai was not really a gossip. Being her mother's daughter had beaten her out of it. Being a friend of Azula sharpened it. She could do without laughing out loud. It was very rare that she laughed anyway. And Zuko was very careful not to make her laugh recently. She didn't look at clashing colors, which was also extremely easy. There was nothing but reds, blacks and golds in the Fire Nation capital. Anything else was banned from the Royal Suites. Because really, orange was such an offensive color, no one brought it near her. She also didn't lose her temper. That was easy, everybody agreed with her. And besides, she wasn't really quick to anger anyway.

It was everything else that was ... difficult.

Mai stared at the poem for the hundredth time, and then rolled the scroll in frustration. She was not going to be useful anytime soon. She was also going to be bored out of her mind if it continues. It was a good thing then, that she was intimately familiar with boredom and all of its aspects.

Of course people banning her from her knives were also irking her a little bit. The sages had forbidden her the knives as soon as they learned she was pregnant. They were supposedly harmful for the baby's spirit. But really. They expected her to paint and sing and read poetry for nine months. They all understood that though she followed tradition, she wasn't happy about the poetry and the painting. Especially not the poetry.

It was a good thing then that she'd learned a few lullabies from her nurse when she was younger. At least she knew songs to sing for the baby. It was a sweet song, reminiscent of birds humming, out to woo their lovers. The melody was light but the pitch was high. Surprisingly enough, it flowed rather well with her voice.

She stopped singing when she heard someone open the door. Since there was neither knock, nor scratch she rightly assumed that it was Zuko. Who was currently standing sheepishly on the shared doorway, hand crooked over his neck. "Why don't you ever sing?"

There was a million ways to answer that. But she guessed he deserved the truth. "I am out of tune."

"But you have a lovely voice," he protested as he approached her sitting on the floor beside her absently greeting his child with a casual touch. He visited her more to talk. The breaks were shorter than when she hadn't been carrying a baby, but they were more frequent. "All the court ladies say that you have a good range, and it's very soothing."

"I am out of tune," Mai insisted, patting his head. He wouldn't argue with her. It was forbidden to argue with pregnant women. She won more arguments now that she was with child than in her entire twenty-three years of living. It was funny. It was also rather boring.

He sighed. "But you'll sing for me?" There was a hopeful note in that voice. She really didn't understand why he'd insist on it. She can sing a tune, but she was rather tone deaf when it came to instruments playing. She can tune her voice to another vocalist, but not to an instrument. It was quite a disappointment to her mother, that. So she didn't understand why he couldn't just listen to his royal musicians. They were there for his enjoyment after all.

"Perhaps. If you're very, very good," she acquiesced. He sighed. She smiled at him indulgently. "Go now, Fire Lord, your ministers await."

"When's the turtle-duck coming?" he asked.

Mai tilted her head to the side. He always asked. "Soon, my lord."

He rose from the floor and kissed her forehead. "I'm happy, Mai."

"I know."

oOo

Because the news of the pregnancy, visitors had flocked to Mai during the past nine months. It was no wonder that Zuko's friends had managed to weasel in a schedule near her due date. And though they were a rather unruly and large group than what she was used to, at least it staved off boredom.

However, since it was a large group, playing pai sho with Suki seemed to be the safest course of action. Aang and Ty Lee were both flitting about the room, though Aang had been dressed in Fire Nation reds, because they hadn't allowed him in the room with orange. Sokka and Katara were both fighting again, although in strained hushed voices, because they didn't want Mai to hear. This was impossible given the fact that they were actually fighting.

Finally, the fight won, Katara moved over to the Pai Sho board to look at Mai. "When are you going to throw a blessingway for you?"

From what Mai understood, a blessingway was a Water Tribe ritual for pregnancy, where the mothers were given gifts. She had managed to learn that much from some of the Water Tribe ambassadors who had visited over the months with similar questions. Mai shook her head and gave her standard answer, "We can't celebrate the birth until it's born. The Fire Nation loses a lot of babies during pregnancies and birth."

"That's strange," Katara said slowly. "We lose a lot of births too, and we usually celebrate one year after the baby is born, but the mothers usually get a blessingway. Do you want me to be present during delivery?"

Mai wondered if there was a polite way to say no to that. Everybody seemed to think that Katara was the wonder physician of the century. Able to cure amnesia, able to heal scars, able to heal mortal wounds, able to blood bend, although she was told that last one was only during the full moon and the strictest of secrets. Personally Mai thought that there were limits to that, and she didn't quite want the first child of the Fire Lord to be an experiment. How many Fire Nation pregnancies has Katara attended anyway? Did she know that Fire Nation babies sometimes did not hold because they were too hot for a mother's womb? Although, it wasn't necessarily bad to have a Water Tribe physician there if things became... complicated.

But there was the small fact that if Katara was going to be there, Aang and Sokka would be there. If Aang and Sokka were there, Suki was going to look at it as an invitation. And if Suki was going to be there, Ty Lee was definitely going to tag along. This would look like an open invitation to the rest of the Avatar's friends. Not to mention offending Azula if she wasn't invited, she may be institutionalized most of the time, but having her out in the open interacting with her family was also part of the therapy. And no, she wasn't happy about everyone seeing her push a watermelon out into the world. The Water Tribe ambassadors also told her that Water Tribe births were attended by everyone. And she didn't want the birth to be attended by **everyone**. There were certain rituals some close friends could be invited to on the third day though. That one would have to do for everybody.

"Maybe as an adviser and Zuko's close friend, Katara. We have the Imperial Physicians, and they might not look at me kindly if I suddenly decided to bring you in." The Imperial Physicians might interpret the move an insult. They would ask why she brought a Water Tribe girl to attend to her when they were supposed to be competent enough to handle the job. Politics and repercussions there. Zuko and Mai were supposed to make the Fire Nation seem stronger, not look weaker. And they couldn't very well proclaim that their own court trained physicians were inferior to Katara who had virtually no training as a physician and had simply 'picked it up' on the field. "They might think Zuko and I have decided they're inadequate."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think ..." Mai knew that Katara was only trying to help. But there was naiveté there. And Katara always perceived that she knew what was best. Mai had to maneuver around most of those. Katara meant well, but Mai had to think of court politics. Katara wouldn't have to live with the repercussions of whispered words and a sudden lack of saffron soup when she needed it.

"Thank you for the offer, Katara," Mai said, trying to placate the girl. She was Zuko's friend, after all.

Mai tried to think of another topic of conversation when Sokka spared her of it by asking, "Have you thought of names yet?"

Another pained expression flitted through Mai's face. She wanted Zuko here, but he was closeted with advisers. And she was supposed to explain Fire Nation traditions to people who had never been exposed to Fire nation traditions. And Ty Lee was no help.

"Zuko and Mai will give the baby a milk name first. But while she's pregnant, they're going to refer to the baby as animal, so that the spirits won't try to kidnap the baby," Toph explained. Mai was extremely thankful that Fire Nation and Earth Nation cultures were similar. Because she honestly could not teach the intricacies of culture to Zuko's friends all the time while trying to think of ways not to offend. "I think they've settled on turtle-duck."

"And the Fire Sages want to read it's fortune," Mai said as she focused back on the Pai Sho board. Suki already had the amused look that she doled out when she knew Mai was getting strangled by the attention from the others. Of all of Zuko's friends, Suki had understood her the most, probably because they were the same age and had the shared experience of having dweebs for partners. "If they find that it's lacking an element, we're going to have to incorporate it in the name."

"Unless it's water," Toph piped up, with that maniacal grin pointing towards Katara and Sokka. "It's considered a bad omen in Fire Nation to have too much water."

Mai hadn't planned on informing the Water Tribe of that little fact, but Toph always wanted to draw out things that irritated other people the most. Katara bristled. Sokka opened and closed his mouth like a fish. They looked like they wanted to protest, but there was little protest that could be done with regard to traditions. And Mai honestly didn't think there was a point to changing that particular tradition. Water was the polar opposite of fire, it wasn't good for a Fire Nation child to have too much water. What did they expect, a water bender on the Fire Nation's throne?

"You're not focusing on the game," Suki pointed out as she made another move.

Mai shrugged. Pregnancy lets her get away with a lot of things, even not concentrating on a pai sho game with a friend. She made another move.

Entertaining visitors was always better than reading poems, singing songs and drawing birds and flowers any day.

Despite uncomfortable questions.

oOo

Zuko came in late to his bedroom, and Mai was already lying on her side, reading a long scroll. She smiled at him when he entered carrying the large basket of green mangoes. He scowled at the smile as he laid it down on the desk.

"I had to bribe several servants to get me these mangoes," he informed her, shrugging out of his formal robes and into one that he used while he slept. "If anyone finds out the palace is going to be in an uproar."

He picked a knife that had been packed along with the basket and one of the mangoes up. The mangoes were already washed by the servants, so he peeled it slowly and then cut it in small rectangular pieces under Mai's watchful gaze. Spooning some of the small shrimp paste and setting it into the plate, he put aside the peels and handed Mai the plate while carefully pointing the knife he held with his other hand away from her. "If that turtle-duck ends up having a sour disposition -"

"Your mother ate nothing but sweets when you and Azula were born," Mai informed him pointedly as she snatched the plate away from him and dipped the fruit into the paste. She hummed with appreciation and ground the chili more into the shrimp paste. "Look how that turned out."

"But shrimp paste Mai?" he asked incredulously, watching her from the corner of his eye as he burned the incriminating evidence and wiped the knife clean to be picked up by another servant in the morning. "It's disgusting. And it smells bad. You said so yourself!

"It's salty and goes well with the mangoes," she pointed out. She bit into another one of the sticks and groaned in appreciation. The only other reason he'd promised he'd sneak more mangoes for her was because of the sounds she was making. It was positively obscene. That and she really, really wanted them. And what Mai wants, he was only too glad to give in. "Are you cleaning the knives or are you just whining?"

"I don't even understand why I'm slicing and peeling the mangoes, you're handier with the knives than I am," Zuko protested as he sat down beside her snatching one of the slivers of fruit from her plate. She glared at him but let him get away with his price. He made a face when he bit into the stick. Yes, it was still extremely sour. And it wasn't mashed. There went two traditions down the drain. It's also light colored so the baby will be fair-skinned.

"Pregnant women aren't allowed any knives on their beds because it would harm the baby's spirit," she quoted as she handed him the plate that she'd just finished.

He sighed but stood and placed the tray in the bathing area, pouring water over it. He was never going to be able to sleep if the smell was going to be persistently in the room. He went back beside her and slid back into the bed. "You remember tradition well enough."

"When it suits me," Mai agreed. She snuggled next to him. "You're just grumpy we're not allowed to do more than snuggle."

"I know carrying is going to be difficult," he whispered. The position was rather awkward due to Mai's condition, but they managed to maneuver around it. "My mother had a difficult time with me, and your mother miscarried more than enough between you and Tom-tom. The physicians were right to uphold tradition."

"Don't worry about it, Zuko," Mai reassured him gently. "I'll be fine."

"You smell like shrimp paste." He didn't even argue the fact that it was hot, and that two bodies this close in summer wasn't really all that practical.

"Are you going to banish me from your bed?" she teased.

He looked at her lying on her side, staring up at him. "No."

"Because the Fire Lady's bed hasn't been aired in ages," Mai reminded him. He let her have the last word, because she was pregnant. He pulled her closer. "Are my knives under the bed?"

Though she had been forbidden the knives, the common belief was putting them under the bed would ward off bad spirits. Although Zuko knew that Mai asked because she felt safer if her knives were close to her regardless of tradition. He nodded.

She closed her eyes. "Soon, Zuko, soon."

oOo

When Uncle Iroh visited, it was usually with Queen Mother Ursa in tow, and it was usually to serve and prepare tea. They both fussed around her, but she reassured them both that she was fine, and that she was thankful for their visits.

They both worried like grandparents and both tried to keep her bare work to a minimum. Iroh served her a cup of tea, which sometimes uncomfortable for Mai. Being a former crown prince, she still regarded Iroh as one who had a higher status than herself, even after she became the Fire Lady. And since he was serving her tea, it announced to the room that he valued her, or that her status was higher than his.

He waved away her concerns though as he sat in front of her. "Has the ginger tea helped with your nausea?"

Mai nodded in thanks. Although she hasn't had the urge to vomit in months, she didn't have the heart to send away the Jasmine Dragon tea packets that Iroh kept sending throughout the pregnancy. She kept drinking them because there were only a few types of tea that was allowed during her condition anyway. "Thank you for the thought, Uncle."

"Your mother is very exited, I've brought some of the tsue shen clothes for you that she made." Ursa pushed forward a package. It was a package meant to hasten the delivery. Mai opened the neatly wrapped pack and put away the white cloth that she would wrap the new baby with, and fingered the clothes that her mother stitched for her.

"Thank you, mother-in-law," Mai murmured, she would have used Ursa's higher titles, but Ursa always brushed them off. Mai's own mother visited but her time wasn't as free as Ursa and Iroh due to their post as ambassadors in the Earth Kingdom. Mai was sure that her mother would definitely come three days after the baby was born to bring all the baby clothes and equipment though. She had already expressed that she has bought the baby's entire layette and wanted to give it to Mai, as her mother has done for her during Mai's own birth.

Pushing the package aside, Mai took a sip of the purpleberry tea that Uncle Iroh made. He had vowed to her that it was very nutritious and that it helped make more milk for the baby and would help her during delivery. He has forbidden her drink of Spiced Tea though, saying that it might cause bleeding.

All of the forbidden things were making her head spin. She knew some of them, the Fire Nation had been steeped in tradition and she was exposed to all of these superstitions since she was young, but there were a couple of things that just suddenly surprised her. Like her attendants adamantly disallowing her to face south or east during bathing, which she **still** couldn't get a straight answer for. Or the sheer amount of tigers that she had to stitch into clothes because tigers were the guardian spirits of young boys. Tom-tom didn't have any tigers in his clothes.

"The due date must be soon," Iroh pointed out as he watched her. "You will send a dragon-hawk to us when the baby arrives?"

Mai smiled at Iroh's fretting. Zuko would never allow Iroh and Ursa to be uninformed about their grandchildren. He had even informed Ozai and Azula, because they were family, regardless of estrangement. "He'll probably send rice wine by courier, uncle."

"You're fine, daughter-in-law, everything is well?" Ursa asked.

Mai nodded, and gave Ursa a reassuring smile. "The turtle-duck is coming soon."

"I'm very happy for you and Zuko, Mai," Iroh said as he took a sip of his own tea.

Mai gave both of them a smile.

oOo

The fact that he couldn't find Mai didn't worry him at first. The palace was large, and Mai had walked in its shadows since she was six. She liked living in between the light and the dark, and she had skillfully made an art of fading into the background when necessary.

Of course going through their rooms, the parlor, the kitchens, the bathing chambers in quick succession with no evidence of what you were seeking would tend to alarm anyone. The fact that there were no servants loitering around in the royal wing was also a rather telling sign that something had gone drastically wrong.

He was, just about to summon the royal guard, when a servant carrying a pail of water darted out of nowhere, almost barreling through him. The servant was more irritated than contrite that she was stopped by Zuko's hand. The water sloshed in the bucket, but none of the drops fell on the floor. "I have to get this to the Infirmary."

Zuko let go of the servant, who, with barely a brush of her clothes, carried the bucket with utmost haste to the direction of the infirmary, without giving Zuko a single glance, nor apology. She probably hadn't even registered the fact that it was the Fire Lord who'd stopped her, because she was so intent on bringing that water to its destination.

He started walking briskly after the girl, and then ran, belatedly realizing that the Fire Lord's robe, with all of its flowing bolts of cloth, was not made for running. He instinctively sought the infirmary, although his brain hadn't connected yet, why he was running. He stopped slightly before the servant entered the wide doors.

He took a deep breath and flung the double doors open. He took in the scene slowly. Mai was on the bed, sweating. There were three Imperial physicians there. There was a baby crying. The servant poured water onto a dish and someone bent fire to boil it before wiping the baby clean with cloth dipped in the hot water.

"You're late," Mai whispered from the bed, she was already tucked into a large bed, covered completely.

"You didn't call me," he pointed out, slightly annoyed that the servants had been in the infirmary, and he hadn't been informed.

"I didn't realize it was time until I was in too much pain to inform you," Mai answered sleepily holding out her hand towards him. He moved forward, but was interrupted by a physician who laid a newborn on his arms.

"It's a boy, Fire Lord," the physician informed him. "The Fire Sages are reading his fortune as we speak."

Zuko cradled the little creature in his arms, so very light and freshly wiped clean. "Whose idea was it to forget about me?"

"Everyone thought that the Fire Nation's concerns were more important than your wife."

"To the Fire Lord, there is nothing more important than the Fire Nation." There was a frown that lingered in his face as he traced a fingertip over the baby's eyebrow and puckered lip. The baby had stopped, and had settled peacefully to sleep, the earlier bouts of wails apparently had exhausted him. Zuko brought his eyes up to look at a sleepy Mai, "But to Zuko, I think, the fire of his heart would also be of great value."

He leaned closer to her, and a servant dragged a chair towards the bed before the room emptied out. "I'm sorry, Zuko. Are you truly disappointed?" Mai asked softly.

"No, Mai, of course not," he whispered as he laid the baby beside her, watching them both rest. She laid a gentle hand on the baby, smoothing stray tufts of hair. "I would have been locked out of the room until the birth anyway, and it would only have worried me."

"I'll remember next time," Mai mumbled, and then, losing the battle to exhaustion, fell asleep with her hand on the smooth blanket that they had swaddled the young prince in.

Zuko smiled as he watched them. Well, he could have at least been informed, but he truly had been with ministers closeted with arguments that could simply not be interrupted. It was sometimes a strain to be with people who thought that any amount of weakness was to be pounced on. Next time Mai gave birth, he was going to give himself a month of break with the ministers and just do paperwork, instead of the week he had given himself this time. The Imperial physicians had been off of their predictions by at least two weeks.

As he looked at them, he noticed the wine neatly stacked beside Mai's bed and red eggs. He winced as he brought one wine bottle on his lap and another ribbon, tying it loosely around the neck. This wine bottle would go to Mai's parents, the ribbon was to inform them that the baby was a boy. He enclosed a red envelope and counted money to send along with the wine. He then brought the red eggs and distributed them along the baskets carefully counting that they were odd. If he sent one that was even, they'd think that the first child was a girl.

He wondered if he was supposed to get the fruit now. But decided that could wait.

He looked at Mai and their child again and smiled.

They had a son now. His titles now included father.

It might just be the biggest challenge in his life yet.

He leaned closer, whispering to the infant, "I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier. I promise I'll try harder next time. Besides, we still have to settle on a name."

He might have imagined it, but the baby's head turned towards his voice.

oOo

Mai threw her hand over her eyes as she saw Azula, Ty Lee, Suki and Toph come through the doors of the Infirmary chambers. She didn't understand who in the world had decided that the combination of those four would be wonderful for the first bathing ceremony of the crown prince. Maybe they had remembered the wedding and set out formal invitations. Or maybe, they'd been the only ones who knew the significance of the red eggs Zuko had sent with messengers. Li and Lo were also both present and was sitting on either side of Mai surrounded by the usual symbolisms needed in a bathing ceremony.

"Happy to see us, Mai?" Azula asked as she fingered the mirror that was one of the symbols on Mai's bed.

"Yes, yes," Mai said half-heartedly as she slowly brought her sleeve down and looked at all of them balefully. Someday, she was going to start new traditions. She was not going to have the next bathing ceremony with awkwardness and a mixed group of relatives and friends. Even officiating Fire Nation battle meetings were less stressful than meeting her friends.

Toph had gone over to the crib and lifted the baby out holding him above her head. Ty Lee had also crowded around Toph and was cooing around the baby. "Wow, knife-hand," Toph said as she observed the baby through her hands. "He's really small."

Which Mai had been thankful for. If he had been any larger, she would probably have died of excruciating pain. As he was, he'd already been painful. "He'll grow into his skin."

Suki, the most practical of all those invited, was testing the waters of the small wooden tub that had been prepared by the servants on her inner wrist. She swirled the fragrant water freeing some of the smell of the locust branches and artemis plants which had been boiled with it in preparation. "In our village when we want to bathe the baby we don't usually have this much... ceremony."

Azula laughed. "Understandable, peasant."

Suki bristled and the Kiyoshi Warrior and the former Fire Lord stared each other down. Mai scrubbed her face with her right hand and resisted the groan. It was too early in the day for this. "It's dreadfully boring, if you want you could find Zuko and torture him a bit." Seeming perpetually bored had its uses, and it was an easy excuse. She didn't care whether it was Azula or Suki who responded to the statement, as long as it broke the tension.

"Zuzu is not enough of a girl to be in the ceremonies, Mai," Azula reprimanded.

Suki weighed her response before saying, "No, I'd rather be **educated**." There was a half formed challenge there, but Suki was smart enough not to provoke Azula into full rage. She had enough respect for Mai not to start a fight with another guest.

Li and Lo sensed the tension and motioned for Ty Lee to bring the crown prince towards Mai. She promptly urged Toph towards Mai who had here hands out for the prince. Mai placed a soft kiss on the prince's forehead. She tried to move without upsetting the arrangement of the mirror, onion, comb, padlock and weights around them. The prince was quiet today, which she was grateful for, he had certainly been loud enough the entire night wanting milk.

Lo tied red silk around the wooden tub and fastened a string of loose coins around it before pushing the tub towards Mai. Mai lowered the baby and cupped water with her right hand to bathe his head, the sleeping prince suddenly startled and began earnestly crying at the foreign feeling of water. "Hush, my prince, it's going to be all right." The baby continued to cry as she washed his head with the warm water, and she was grateful when Lo handed her a white terry cloth to dry his head.

She dried him and then unswaddled him to rest him in the water, just enough to cover his body while she was propping him up. Lo started burning an incense offering to the god and goddesses of the beds while Li urged Azula to start placing gifts. Azula sighed in resignation and measured a spoonful from the cool water in a pitcher then tipped it into the water. She had brought a red egg to add to the water and gave a small silver as a gift for the baby.

The princess, having finished her duties stepped back and watched as the other guests repeated and mimicked the process. Li kept the small padlock for use on the baby's first month of birth, when Mai was finally allowed to leave the birthing chamber. The baby's cries had softened already, tired from being yanked from air to water to air again.

Mai pulled him from the tub and dried him thoroughly She dressed him in the clothes her mother had made for him and then cradled him in his arms.

"You're not going to use a wet nurse, are you?" Azula asked in mild reproach.

Mai thought Azula should stop asking questions if the answers were going to bother her. "Probably to change the diapers and such, we don't want to shock the court too much." That and who in their right minds wanted to change diapers when someone could do it for you?

Toph snorted, knowing the reason why Mai and Zuko were getting a nurse in the first place. Mai just tried to soothe the baby, lifting him up on her shoulder and tapping a soothing rhythm on his back. "How domestic of you, Mai," Azula said.

Mai thought she was furthest from 'domestic' as one could get. They had servants, and she wasn't above using then frequently. She had grown up as a noblewoman after all. They were her creature comforts. But perhaps the rearing of the child was a bit more domestic than previous wives of Fire Lords had employed.

"The Water Tribe people are going to be so annoyed they couldn't make it," Toph said as she popped one of the snacks that the servants offered while they cleaned the bath waters and Li and Lo took the ritual symbols for the baby's first month. Toph had a point.

Mai made a mental note to remind Zuko the next time they had a baby that the Water Tribe didn't understand their traditions and would require a formal invitation to all the ceremonies instead of the implied one when he'd sent them the red eggs. The mere fact that the Water Tribe were the only ones who didn't send return gifts had been clue enough that they hadn't understood the gift to them.

"The first month celebration is the biggest anyway, we'll party all night!" Ty Lee announced as she cooed and tried to make funny faces at the baby. Mai didn't have the heart to tell her that the baby probably couldn't see her yet.

"Nooo, it has to be the first hundred days," Toph protested, naming her favorite.

"But it can't compare to his first birthday, the naming ceremony." Azula offered half heartedly, crossing her arms over her chest. "I chose the Fire Lord's crown in the basket of toys."

Suki and Toph both snorted at that. The toys that a child chooses on the first birthday usually portrayed a child's destiny. It was similar enough to Aang's story of how he was named Avatar. Azula probably picked the crown because it was shiny and it was easily within her reach on her grandfather's head.

"What?" Azula asked, incredulous.

Mai sighed. Really, people should have known better than to put these four together.

oOo

Mai watched Zuko as he awkwardly held the baby on his shoulder. It was their first and he was still getting used to the little tyke burping up milk in the least expected of times and crying in the middle of the night. But he was good with him, awkwardness and all. He was patient and he doted on the child telling him grand stories that were steeped in myth, legend and a lot of Fire Nation tradition.

He was patient with a lot of the traditions. He had personally gone down to search for a peach tree branch, a difficult endeavor in their largely tropical nation, which he had whittled into arrows and lovingly arranged near the crib to ward away demons. He wore a red charm placed just on the inside of his formal silk robes, to misdirect evil spirits from the child to him. He was game about most of the things the Fire Sages told them to do.

There were, of course, some exceptions. She was in the sitting month, and had she been home, she would have been closeted in the birthing chambers for an entire month without seeing Zuko. The Fire Lord didn't take to that part of tradition very well and had snarled, **snarled** at the Fire Sages while telling them that if they expected him to stay away from his son and his wife, they might as well start ruling the nation in his stead. They broke tradition for him. They had installed her in the Fire Lady's chambers instead of the Fire Lord's as a compromise.

Secretly, Mai was happy Zuko came. Taking care of the baby was not a hardship, especially since it was the only think expected of her during the sitting month. But she would have missed him terribly, and it would have delayed him getting to know their son and his heir. It was a good enough way to get much deserved rest though, and she didn't complain that most of her other duties were put aside for the month.

"I think he's falling asleep," Zuko informed her softly as he sat beside her on the bed, nudging her to move over.

"He's been asleep since you settled him on your shoulder," Mai told him fondly, brushing tendrils of hair from Zuko's forehead. Rumpled and without the topknot, Zuko's hair was extremely messy. "I bet you're disappointed they didn't closet me away in your suites."

"It's fine, the Fire Lady's suites has less clutter and room for the cradle," he whispered as he transferred the baby from his shoulder to his arm to cradle him. He inhaled deeply, as if he still couldn't believe that he'd made a life, then looked at her. "It has a smaller bed though, we're going to end up suffocating the turtle-duck if we let him sleep between us."

She smothered a laugh. Then leaned on his shoulder to look at their child, the squalling had been enough to wake any house had they been living in close quarters. She still couldn't understand how such small lungs could produce such a loud sound. "What did the Fire Sages say about the eight characters that he was born under? We can't keep calling him turtle-duck forever."

Zuko grinned at her as he traced the tip of his fingertip on the child's small fingers. There was a small bell on the baby's wrist ringing lightly when moved, more wards against evil. "It's all good Mai, we can name him anything we like."

"We should keep the royal 'Z'," Mai pondered out loud, she scrunched her nose. "I don't think we should use a generational name."

Zuko agreed, though he could have used a generational name to honor Roku's lineage in their family, it wouldn't have been proper to announce it with the new rule. They were forging new bonds, breaking old ones. Besides, if he was going to honor anyone it should have been his uncle Iroh or maybe his cousin Lu Ten. His finger rubbed the middle of the baby's forehead. "He looks like he's thinking of something, even when he's asleep."

"Shen?" Mai murmured, a name which meant deep thinker but also implied that the baby was deeply spiritual. They still needed a 'Z' sound to add to the name. "Zhaoshen? Zushen? Shenzu?"

"Zu? Upright?" Zuko repeated the name and hummed in approval. "It sounds similar to Xu."

Xu. Brilliant rising sun. Oh, yes, they could write his name that way after he finishes school, and the 'Z' sound was still there to warrant it to be a royal name. "Perfect, Zuko, perfect. Although maybe the Fire Sages will have an apoplexy when they hear we've settled on a name before his first year."

"We'll keep it our little secret," Zuko whispered, then he kissed Mai on the forehead, before he kissed the baby on his cheek. "Welcome to the world, Prince Shenzu."

The baby pursed its lip in sleep. Mai watched them both and realized that Zuko's welcome wasn't quite perfect. "No, my lord." Zuko looked at her in askance. She corrected him lightly, "Welcome home."

* * *

**Author's notes**:  
This came about while I was thinking of pregnancy customs in my country, and realized that there was going to be a lot of pregnancy customs in Ancient China. So I researched and here we go. Another round. I realize that these fics seems like a culture re-education program. Are we still having fun guys?

Mostly this is what I did: most of the culture is Ancient Chinese. If there are reforms, military tactics, it's Feudal Japanese (since that seems to be the case in avatar world, backed up by Avatar Wiki haha). Cuisine is tropical therefore Indo-Malaysian and well since my country is a tropical country too, so Philippines. Actually I suspect cuisine in Fire Nation is THAI, except that Fire Nation use too few noodles in them. Because Thai people like their food EXTRA SPICY.

So the mangoes and the shrimp paste? That's a Filipino food there craved by mothers during pregnancies here. Well a lot of people crave it even without pregnancy so there. Green mangoes are coupled with either salt (where chili could be grounded with it yech) or bagoong (shrimp paste/fish paste depending on what you want...) with chili or not.

As for the blessingway, that's a Native American custom, from... which I understand is similar to a baby shower. Correct me if I'm wrong guys. I'm able to understand more Asian Tradition since I've been surrounded by it, than most of the western traditions.

Another chapter, another day.

Shenzu. Shen (SH**EH**N) and Zhu/Zu means Upright (pronounced Z (as in Zee) and U as in (t**WO**). Xu is similarly pronounced (ZUW).

So yes it's a play on words. :) And as we've already said before, a baby can have five names in his lifetime.

The royal Z? SoZin, AZulon, OZai, AZula, Zuko. If Iroh/Lu Ten had taken the throne, they would have been the first without the Z.

Please tell me I'm getting better with verb tenses no shifts in the middle.


	3. To Shoot the Sun

This was written with The Scarlet Pimpernel's soundtrack playing in the background. Particularly: When I Look at You and She Was There

**Disclaimer**: Avatar: The Last Airbender sprouted from the brilliant minds of Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko, and is owned by Nickelodeon. I'm borrowing them for a while. I promise I'll return them.

* * *

**To Shoot the Sun**

* * *

Zuko was staring at the papers in front of him blindly. They were suggestions on what he could do to the former prisoners of war that had been held in Lake Logai. While all of the war prisoners had been granted amnesty after Sozin's Comet, the Lake Logai prisoners were a special case. It was hard to decide what to do with more than a hundred people who were both tortured and brain washed. Some of them couldn't really function in the world without care, hence the extended problem that it created for him.

Another problem was that not all of those held in Lake Logai were Fire Nation prisoners. Some of them were purely Long Feng's prisoners, and of course, legitimate Earth Kingdom prisoners. So both he and the Earth King had to communicate frequently to weed one out from the other. Though he might **want** to take most of the blame for the Dai Li, the mere fact is, they have existed before his reign, they have existed before his father's hand in the Earth Kingdom, so it was not entirely his burden alone. And although it was easier on **his** end to determine who Fire Kingdom prisoners were, it was difficult to decide what to do with them.

He and the Earth King exchanged a lot of official documents over the years with regard to the Dai Li and Lake Logai. There was nothing much he could do about it but read the letters and approve or disapprove and send counter suggestions. It made him feel completely useless.

It was because of the helplessness of over those prisoners of war that he'd spiraled down to the helplessness of his problem with Mai.

He looked out of his window, where the sun filtered brightly and overlooked the gardens where Mai was with Shenzu and Zanmei. At three and two, they were already taking playful steps in the garden under their mother's watchful supervision.

He leaned his head against his hands in frustration. Four years into marriage, and she already didn't want him. He'd known clearly that Mai was the ice maiden, that she was cool, and aloof, and that she didn't share emotionally easily. He just didn't understand how it could have happened with him.

They'd stopped playing, he understood that because she was so tired and she had two children to look after that she'd have less time for him. But she'd almost completely withdrawn from his life.

It started with the games. She stopped initiating anything sexual with him. So she wanted space, he gave her that. Her second pregnancy had exhausted her, and her third was — it had been a disaster.

Then she moved to the Fire Lady's suite. Not completely, but after a while she started spending less and less time with him in his suite. It was a subtle reminder that she didn't want his advances, because Mai had a very light hand in court. Later, she brought the children to her room to sleep. Nothing wrong with that, even if they had perfectly good nurseries and wet nurses, Mai had always liked taking care of them. It had been a surprise because she had hated watching Tom-tom.

Zuko resented everyone else's time with his wife. He couldn't even sneak in the dead of the night to her bed. Not that he'd tried since she moved, because he thought he'd give her some months to recover.

_Was this why father hated me? Because I took so much of mother's time?_ He shook his head at that. He didn't want to go there. He loved his children. He told her he wanted a lot of them. Enough to fill the rooms of the palace, because what's the point of having a large home without children to fill it? And what's the point of being a blasted royal if he couldn't spend the money on his children?

He felt the familiar feeling of helplessness again. The choking, cloying feeling of desperation. The burn behind his eyes the intense heaviness in his chest.

He'd known it was going to hurt him terribly if she stopped caring for him.

He just hadn't anticipated how much.

oOo

Mai dusted the robes of three year old Shenzu while trying to keep Zanmei from eating the grass that she'd plucked. She smiled at both of them fondly before saying, "Are you tired of the sunshine, my darlings?"

"No!" "Nu-uh"

She examined Shenzu's leg to see if he'd sustained injuries, but since he didn't have any, she set him down again to play conqueror of the world, while he bossed around his younger sister who tried to pantomime her brother. Zuko had worried he might just start trying to conquer the world he became Fire Lord, Zuko always worried. Mai had reassured him that he'd played the game plenty of times when growing up, and he didn't have the extreme urges to start invading the neighboring kingdoms anytime soon.

He wasn't easily reassured — when had Zuko ever been easily reassured? — but she promptly told him that at three, he could start teaching them about what he valued. That discussion had prompted him to talk to Shenzu about honor, to which the boy listened with wide eyes. Zuko emphasized his points by playing military with his son often. Most of the time, they accosted bandits and wrong doers in the Fire Nation. Zuko even let Shenzu be the Blue Spirit from time to time. His son loved playing the Blue Spirit without knowing that this masked bandit he hero worshiped was his father. They upheld peace, protected their borders, slapped down mythical invading sea-slugs and helped other nations when they sent calls for distress.

Zuko. Her heart clenched in the feeling of distress that she was accustomed to lately. The feel of her heart pounding against her chest like it was suddenly larger and heavier than she could hold. She looked up at his study wondering if he even bothered to see her with his children.

They've become complete strangers. After knowing each other for most of their lives, they had suddenly, drastically become acquaintances sharing this large house with nothing in common but children.

He was having trouble with the military. She knew that. She'd given him space because he was having so many problems lately.

What was worrying the Fire Lord now was the lack of jobs. With most of the people slowly being recalled from the colonies, and the lack of any invading forces, he needed less military and more trade. So they needed to start investments and markets and land reform. He had reallocated the military budget, which did not make him popular. Because for years, this military had been taught they were **right** and that they'd been given the divine right to educate the lesser masses.

They trained their children from the beginning to be soldiers, and the Fire Lord had suddenly stripped them of that pride. What does one do with a nation filled with soldiers and no position to hold them? Send them back to farms and ask them apprentice as merchants?

So he needed to be out, visiting the men and even the schools and the locals. Soothing their egos and their pride. Promoting positive change.

He came home exhausted and was usually dead asleep soon after. His advisers closeted him away at day barring her from him. Truthfully, she'd never bothered trying to go to him during meetings, because he'd somehow always managed to make time for her. Now that she was attempting to, no one was admitting her.

The only time she managed to see him was with the children, and after that he was too tired for anything else.

Then of course she had to miscarry the baby, their third child together. And her healer had told her that she should keep from — what was it they used again? — sexual congress with the Fire Lord.

She moved to the Fire Lady's apartments so that she wouldn't be tempted. Because she was addicted to the feel of him against her skin, the slide of him against her, his breath against her ear. And he was too exhausted; he needed his rest, that she'd agreed when the maids made room for her things in her suite.

She didn't even think he noticed her absence. He'd been falling asleep before her for months before she completely moved to the Fire Lady's rooms. She had not wanted to be a bother, so she left.

And because she was so terribly lonely and **bored**, she brought her children in the suites. But by then, it didn't matter because he'd stopped wanting to see her.

She leaned against the tree trunk gasping for air that was suddenly too hot to breathe while she watched her children play around the tree's large roots.

Oh Agni, she'd always known that she was meant to be by Zuko's side.

She just never thought of the possibility that he was never meant to be by hers.

* * *

Zuko implemented strict rules for dinner. He wanted his family together, so most of the courtier moved around their meal schedules. Sometimes, it couldn't be helped that they dined with the court. Most of the time though, Mai managed to keep dinner a family affair. They had sectioned off a small room to serve as an informal dining room that could also serve as an informal meeting room. During dinner servants brought in low tables to place the food on and the family sat around pillows.

The children both ate with their parents while both wet nurses tidied up after the toddlers. Mai had nursed both children, scandalizing even Ursa a little. She did employ the wet nurses for help in changing diapers and watching them so that she could circle the politics surrounding court better. It was especially useful that the women doubled as bodyguards, because though Tom-tom had never been in any true danger with the Avatar, Zuko was sure that there were more unsavory groups that could try with his own children. It also gave Mai time to pursue her imperial duties.

"Mai, I'm going to talk to the Earth King over the weekend." It was mainly a business trip, but he wanted to spend time with her. It seemed like the perfect break for both of them, an almost vacation. "Do you want to come and bring the children along?"

She frowned. He shouldn't have asked. She probably wants to spend some time with the children without him. Mai had grown even more listless these past few months. It wasn't simple ennui; it was like everything around her was bleak. She had never liked court, she probably hated the fact that he brought her into the center of the most rigid one of all.

"All right," her answer took him by surprise and he almost sighed in visible relief. It would do them good time spent together. Maybe he could talk to Iroh about what was wrong with him. Maybe Mai could love him again. Maybe the moon would come down. Mai followed up her agreement with, "Let's make it just the four of us."

He stopped reaching for the smoked sea slug and stared at her, a flicker of dismay on his face quickly concealed. He'd asked for his children because he spent so little time with them, but he'd wanted time alone with her too. It would have been better if she'd wanted some of the entourage to come so that someone could share the burden of the children. They would never get the time together if she was constantly taking care of the little ones. But if she wanted time to herself, he was prepared to give her anything. "Of course, Mai, whatever you want."

oOo

It was probably one of the most difficult moments in her life to keep a blank expression. He had made her less of a courtier in front of him, and now she suddenly needed it as defense against **him**.

He wanted buffers between them. The wet nurses and entourage. Maybe Fire Nation guards. But because she'd asked he agreed. He always agreed to her requests. Almost always. She rubbed her thumb against the back of her neck.

What had she said? Pain to remember when she couldn't feel anymore? Maybe he'd be willing to burn her now that he couldn't bear to touch her.

* * *

Zanmei was cradled in Mai's arms out on the deck of one of the Fire Lord's ships, sitting on the lounge that the captain had provided for the royal family. They were dressed in Earth Kingdom garb with Fire Nation passports. It reminded her of her family trip to Ba Sing Sei.

"Mama, Dress **green**!" Zanmei said in wonder around the new word. She'd repeated it a couple of times as well. It was a new color to Zanmei who, as a princess of the Fire nation, was relegated to reds, blacks, golds and the occasional white. "Pretty!"

"Yes, my darling, you are a pretty little button," Mai affirmed as she tweaked Zanmei's nose while the princess squirmed around trying to see everything at once. Though the royal-family had a summer home in Ember Island, Zuko and Mai had yet to take Zanmei out on a boat and everything was a new experience.

"Down!" Zanmei ordered imperiously. She wanted to explore the deck. Mai looked around. It was a royal-class ship, and although it had amenities for the Fire Lord's family, it certainly wasn't a luxury vessel. It wasn't particularly made for keeping children. Zanmei was going to run into one of the hands scuttling about working. Or worse, fall into the sea. With no waterbenders. Right.

"Are you leaving Mama alone, sweet?" Mai asked instead.

"Gege up!" Zanmei pouted, using the word for older brother to refer to Shenzu. The eldest of the siblings was currently sitting on Zuko's shoulders while Zuko pointed at the Elephant-koi which were migrating to the warm islands for summer.

"Dad," Mai called out. Whenever they were with the children, they encouraged them to use the proper address, but seeing as they were babies and father was still a large word, dad and mom was used between the two of them. Zuko turned at her voice and gave her a smile. It was the first time she'd seen him smile in ages. "Come trade with me, Zanmei wants to see the elephant-koi."

Zuko trotted up to her and deposited a laughing Shenzu on her lap. "Stay with mama, gege. Keep her company while Daddy takes care of mei-mei?"

Shenzu nodded, ever the obedient child. Zanmei leapt up to Zuko, and they went back to their spot at the bridge. Mai looked at them wistfully before focusing on her son. He had tilted his head then crammed himself close to her. "Mama is sad?"

"Oh no, my darling," Mai wrapped her arms around Shenzu. He looked a lot like his father, and he'd taken to the fact that Zuko was almost always serious. "I am just heartsick. We'll be meeting your uncle Tom-tom, and Grandfather Iroh, and I realized that I missed them terribly."

But not as much as she missed her husband.

oOo

After taking a bath together with Shenzu, Zuko was helping the child dress up. Mai had already finished bathing and clothing Zanmei. He knelt down and combed the boy's hair which fell around his chin. In a year or so it could be tied properly, but since he was still a child and hadn't earned it yet, it settled around his face.

He tugged a lock because with Shenzu's hair down, framing his face and hiding some of the chubbiness, Zuko remembered Mai as a kid. All awkward and gangly. Adorable, but awkward and gangly. Zuko grinned. "You look like your mother, my prince."

The young boy frowned as he shook his head from side to side. "Not papa?"

"I should hope not. Your mother is decidedly handsomer than I am," Zuko pointed out as he opened the door towards their shared cabin and ushered Shenzu in.

Mai was already in bed, arms around a sleepy Zanmei. Shenzu scrambled up the bed and deposited himself at the middle of the bed tilting his head slightly as he looked at his mother. "Mama, you are handsome."

Mai laughed softly, trying not to wake Zanmei up. It had been the first time he'd seen her happy. So maybe, just maybe, the trip wasn't as bad as he thought it might be. "Where did you hear that, my darling?"

"Papa says so," Shenzu told on him. Zuko blushed as he leaned against the bathroom door, watching Mai with their children. He should have known Shenzu would tell his mother about it. He always talked to his mother. "I look like Mama?"

Mai looked up and raised an eyebrow at Zuko. He shrugged at her, because what else could he say in defense to that? She then leaned down and touched her forehead with Shenzu's own. "Of course, my darling. You look like mama because you are a part of her. But you look like papa too." Mai pressed a finger on Shenzu's nose, which made him giggle. Zuko wondered if he asked about it, she'd touch him on the nose too. "There see that is your father's nose right there. Those eyelashes did not come from me. And your eyes are firebender eyes, my darling, a deeper gold with flecks of fire compared to mine."

"Mmmkay!" Shenzu said as he fluffed the pillow behind him and lay down to sleep, curiosity abated for a while. He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. "Papa going here? Sleep with us?"

"You should ask your father, my darling," Mai whispered as she shifted Zanmei down carefully beside her brother. Then she raised her eyes to look at Zuko again in question.

Zuko ran his hand through his hair. He hadn't slept with them as a family in a while because Mai kept them all in her bed. And there was just so much room in the Fire Lady's bed to keep both children and her in it. But the navy had pressed together four futons to accommodate them. He walked over and sat beside Shenzu. "I'll talk to the captain first, Shenzu, because we're in his ship and he invited me for drinks after supper, remember? And a royal always strives to keep his promise."

"Stay with us?" Shenzu asked sleepily, his body coming to terms with the fact that the sun had set and it had been a tiring day. There was no doubt about it, Shenzu was a firebender. Young firebenders were unusually weak during the evenings until they learned some basics to stay up regardless of the setting sun.

"Of course, my prince," Zuko answered, as he ran his hand against his son's dark hair in reassurance. "Whatever you want."

The prince was already asleep. Zuko's eyes turned to Mai, she was watching him tenderly, and with just a little bit of pain that he'd come to terms with and recognized because he'd seen it when he looked at the mirror. "And you, fire of my heart, is there anything you want?"

She reacted to that by closing herself off. It hurt him because they used to talk more than this, and she used to want so much more from him. "Just you, my lord, come back."

He didn't understand. Of course he'd come back. It was just a trip down the hallway, and just a few drinks of that amber liquid he hated but needed to partake. It was politics and then not quite. "All right, Mai. I will."

She closed her eyes and then curled beside Zanmei. He kissed her forehead and straightened carefully to walk towards the hallway. When he stepped out he waved his hand to extinguish the fires in the room before closing the door shut.

He leaned against the metallic door, trying to gain his balance. But he knew he couldn't ever hope to gain that now that his world was sliding out of his control.

* * *

"Grandpapa Iroh, what is heartsick?" Shenzu asked as he played with wooded blocks on the low table of the earth kingdom tea shop.

Iroh's world sharpened at the question as Shenzu continued to build blocks, not really paying attention to the way the adult had focused on him. "Where did you hear the words, Prince Shenzu?"

"Mama is heartsick. She says so." Shenzu stole a look at Mai who was quietly talking to Ursa while Zanmei drank in plastic teacups and toddled around the low table with stuffed animals. "She's not sad."

The last time he saw Mai and Zuko, they had just gotten pregnant with Zanmei and the world was right. They had been in love and eagerly waiting for a child. But Mai had become sick after the birth, and the problems with the military had come up that neither the Fire Lord nor his Lady had come to bring either child for a visit. It had taken them an entire year and a half and the letter from the Earth King to come.

But maybe there were other reasons that he hadn't thought of.

"Mama missed grandpapa." Shenzu bit his lip as he looked at Mai. "You're not heartsick?"

He very much doubted it was him that Mai actually missed. Regardless of circumstance, it was always difficult to read Mai. Trained rigidly from birth, Mai was the perfect noble's daughter. No visible outward emotions and easily pliable. Until you find her cold anger and her sharp steel. "Lady Mai just needs family, Prince Shenzu, so always remember to show your mother that you love her."

Prince Shenzu stopped banging blocks. He jumped up and then barreled into Mai, who gave a short huff of expelled air when her son knocked the wind out of her. Mai laughed and smoothed the stray locks that had fallen from the short pony tail Shenzu wore. "Mama, I love you."

Surprise flickered in Mai's eyes, and then she leaned down and hugged the young prince. "Of course, my darling. Mama loves you too."

oOo

"Hey hotstuff, I thought you had a meeting?" Toph said as she sauntered over the gardens of the Earth Kingdom Castle, invading Zuko's privacy. She had grown remarkably well over the years. She was still largely a brat, and she still found innumerable ways to be annoying, but as a young adult Toph was the most mature of group. "If I'd known you'd be sulking I would have tried to find you sooner."

"What happened to sparky?" Zuko said, annoyed as he watched her crossing towards the large boulder he'd claimed as his own. "I was partial to that name myself."

"You do not **feel** like a sparky right now," Toph answered, her feet meandering around the ponds. "Come on, hotness, let's get you rip-roaring drunk."

"I'm here on official business," he protested weakly. That was his entire excuse for being here. He had managed to send Mai and the children out to meet her family and his, but he had wanted to finish work. "I just can't disappear in the middle of the day because you want to drag me to the lower rim!"

"Uhuh. This official business of yours is the reason why you're here in the middle of this garden, just outside of the throne room where the Earth King has this wide schedule free," Toph pointed out. She had checked the Earth King first, and he was just playing with his large pet. He also told her that the talks between the Fire Nation and Earth Nation had already finished that morning, and that the Fire Lord had mainly come to see how Lake Logai was doing and to visit family.

"I'm not sulking," he protested weakly. But Toph could feel him grip the boulder more tightly, and the slight tensing of his muscles. Not only was he sulking, he was defensive.

"Try again, hotstuff," Toph said gently, finally reaching him, giving his hand a hard pull. He dropped down to her level. He should have known better than to think she would take his excuses. And he should have known that when he visited, she'd come for him. "I can tell when you're lying, remember? And you were never any good at it. It's a good thing you were pulled out of court at thirteen or you might never have survived."

That was how Toph had ended up with a completely drunk Fire Lord, in the middle of the day while in the lower rim. If her mother found out, she might just suddenly decide that political standing be damned, the Fire Lord was bad company.

Further insight to said fire Lord's company was provided when Zuko finally downed enough liquid courage to tell her the reason why he'd been going through the motions of court, but hadn't been the enthusiastic idealistic politician he was most of the time. "She doesn't love me anymore."

"We're talking about the Ice Lady here right?" Toph clarified, voicing out the words slowly. Her nickname for Mai derived from Mai's formal title and the rather quaint nickname Ice Queen they'd heard in court. "The one you **reassured** me in your engagement who always knew you'd be together. The one who waited for you to return not once but **twice**. The one who betrayed her closest friend in the world because she loved you more. **That** Ice Lady."

He gave an indignant huff as he downed another glass of the hard liquor. Zuko's palate only tolerated hard liquor. Which was strange because his body metabolized it so slowly, he was drunk by one glass. But of course he doesn't slur. He just looks dorkier. "Whose love would matter more?"

Toph sighed, because she did not want to get into a sappy conversation with him. No, she had wanted a sane one. Of course if she wanted answers, he needed to be drunk. Which didn't lead to sane answers. But there you go. She picked her ear absentmindedly. "Just checking, hotstuff. Why'd you say that?"

"She doesn't tie me down anymore!" Zuko practically wailed. "And we don't use the pattern wielded knives—"

Toph shoved another glass on his hands and encouraged him to drink it to shut him up. However much she wanted to listen to his problems, there were some things that she didn't want to hear about him and Mai. If he was bragging about the sex, she could deal. She was man enough to listen to that. But the mere fact that she knew they engaged in bloodplay seriously creeped her out. She was a prude, who'd have thought?

"So this is about your lack of sex life?" Toph asked in incredulous tones. "Agni crushed, Zuko, really? Because you know Mai is head over heels with you. I doubt any other person in court is —" _sick_ "— in love enough to agree, let alone **want** those knives close to their balls."

He groaned as he downed the glass and laid his head on the table. "She's avoiding me. She doesn't sleep in my room anymore. She spends all of her time with the children. She doesn't talk to me anymore."

"Have **you** tried talking to her?"

"She's the dominant figure in this relationship!" He managed enough fire to put into that statement. That didn't come as a surprise. The Fire Lord's current family structure was outwardly patriarchal and inwardly matriarchal. "If she doesn't want me, I should be man enough to walk away!"

"So you're saying you've tried to talk?"

He rolled his head around the table again. Drunk Zuko was amusing. Drunk depressed Zuko was rather pathetic. "What am I supposed to do, beg her to love me again? I'm Fire Lord. She's trapped in the relationship. We have children together for Agni's sake. I could divorce her with no problem but she doesn't have recourse to do that."

He believed that. Zuko with his unwavering faith in Mai had suddenly drastically been made unsure. Somehow, somewhere Mai had managed to send mixed signals. Zuko with his inability to read social cues had suddenly misread someone he'd previously read so easily. It made him... bereft. Toph doubted that Mai could suddenly stop loving him. Mai might not be her bestest friend in the world, Toph she knew that Mai was more than in love with Zuko. "So you're guilty thinking that she's staying by your side because she can't be anywhere else, yeah?"

"Yes."

Toph sighed. She wasn't going to be able to convince Zuko of anything rational. Not with this state of mind. She needed to talk to Queen Mother Ursa. She took a deep breath. Never mind, she wasn't close enough with Ursa to unload this bit of emotional junk on her. Maybe Uncle Iroh then.

She needed to drink tea after this anyway.

oOo

Iroh looked at his grandchildren puttering as Ursa watched over them. He cleared his throat, and both watched him in rapt attention as he smiled at them. Ursa was getting tired trying to handle Shenzu's running while soothing Zanmei, so he decided that a little intervention would be welcome.

"Come children. It's time for a story." He motioned for them to sit down in front of both him and Ursa as Ursa gave him a look mixed with gratitude and mild irritation. He gave her a smile. When both children were settled he sat down in front of them. "Once the Jade Emperor's sons tried to defeat the Fire Nation by turning into ten suns."

"Wow! Ten suns." Shenzu spread his fingers out to show his great-uncle. "Like my fingers? Was it hot?"

"Indeed, my prince, it caused the crops to wither and die." Iroh explained bending a little fire and depict the ten suns for his grandchildren high above them so that they would feel its flame.

"Not ten now!" Zanmei protested as she looked out into the single bright noon-day sun high in the sky of Ba Sing Se.

Iroh shook his head. He forgot that children were impatient when telling a story. "Yi an immortal and a great archer—"

"Like mama?" Zanmei interrupted again leaning forward.

"Sort of like your mother, Princess Zanmei," Iroh agreed. When the two children seemed content, Iroh began to tell the story again, "Yi, who was a great archer, started to shoot the suns one by one. Sparing the last, Agni in the skies. As the suns dropped down his wife Chang'e picked up their flames and made an elixir. She gave this elixir to her husband. And he swallowed the elixir made from the suns. It was how the first firebender came to be."

Shenzu frowned as one by one the suns faded away into nothingness while they were looking at it. "Was the emperor sad?"

"Ahh, that is right, prince Shenzu," Iroh said, as if he'd just remembered that part of the story. "The emperor was saddened that his sons were dead, and he banished Yi and his wife Chang'e to be immortals on earth."

"Not fair!" Shenzu protested. Iroh smiled a little, Zuko and Mai managed to give their children a very good base of morals. He would be a good Fire Lord when he grew up. He would inherit Zuko's problems in his administration, but he would inherit the good things about Zuko.

"It is the way of immortals, my prince. This is the reason why this tale is told, so you understand that it is not right. But to Yi it didn't matter that he was banished. He loved the Fire Nation more than his place with the Yellow Emperor, as long as Chang'e was with him."

"Like mama and papa!" Shenzu exclaimed, finally content with the story's ending.

Well, not quite like Zuko and Mai, but that had been the reason why he wanted to tell both the children of the story in the first place. Ursa looked at him with a mild expression of worry. He had wanted to tell her that it was going to be all right. Mai and Zuko were made of sterner stuff than Ursa's own story with Ozai. They would survive this trial. "Yes, my prince, like your mother and father."

Because he would not believe anything else.

oOo

"Is the Fire Lord ... drunk?" Mai asked hesitantly as she rose from her chair.

"Got it in one, Sunshine," Toph drawled as she helped Zuko onto the bed.

Out of all the nicknames Toph had for her, that was the one that irritated her the most. Because honestly? Toph has irony down pat. Toph should teach some to Zuko. "He was supposed to be working." Because what else was she supposed to say?

There was a mild look of uncertainty around Toph that Mai normally didn't associate with the girl. "I know it's none of my business, but he's like a brother to me." A pause before she continued. "You should talk about this."

Mai flexed her fingers several times, trying to restrain herself from picking a knife. Because Zuko would not be pleased if she knifed what amounted to his little sister. She breathed in to calm herself and to belay the hurt. Because Zuko had **talked** to Toph instead of bringing this to her. "You're right. It is none of your business."

"Look... Lady Mai..." It was one of the rare times that Toph had addressed her by name. It hadn't been easy to get along with Zuko's friends. They were all different from Fire Nation. And she tried, but sometimes, it was just difficult to fit in with them. They had a past of being fugitives and family together. It was something that she'd never quite gotten the hang of. "We're not close. We weren't given the chance to be friends. But we've been together, and maybe... though we can't be close, we are somewhat **more** than acquaintances."

She stared at Toph silently. It might have worked with someone else, and she knew that the stare had worked on countless of other people. But Toph was blind. So Mai settled on sitting back down and trying to convey to Toph that she was being ignored. It still wasn't the same as a good stare down.

"You're the most important person in his life."

Pain. "Not anymore," Mai whispered. Why did it have to be **Toph** to bring this up? Why couldn't it have been **Suki**? Suki was Earth Nation wasn't she? Why wasn't Zuko man enough to tell her to her **face** that he didn't want her anymore? First it was that damnable letter during the Black Sun and now **this**. Zuko you passive-aggressive lout! What could she say to someone who was more Zuko's friend than hers? "Thank you for bringing the Fire Lord home, Lady Bei Fong."

"Yeah, sure." Toph hovered over the door. "Sharps, if you're ever around the Earth Kingdom again, **visit**. We could mock our upbringing and throw darts against the wall." Toph didn't give Mai the chance to respond to that and left.

Mai sighed. She did try to befriend them. They just had not a lot in common. And they had that bond of fraternity that wasn't easily shared, even if Zuko was her husband. She had managed to try and become more than acquaintances at least, and she had been making progress before this debacle. She should apologize to Toph. It wasn't her fault that Zuko didn't want Mai anymore.

Mai went beside him and brushed away his bangs, trying to see his face. He smelled like alcohol, something he rarely drank, and the burnt ashes of dreams. If she looked at him, she could see the moments of inescapable joy that they shared. "All right, Lady Bei Fong. All right."

oOo

His head hurt like two turtle-lions had been roaring at it the entire day, and he didn't quite remember everything that happened. He groaned as Mai helped him into the green robes that his uncle favored when they were in his tea shop.

"You really had to drink before Music Night?" Mai asked with the barest touch of amusement as she made him sit down and fussed with his hair. She'd long since combed it from the Fire Lord's crown. He closed his eyes savoring the feel of her hand on him. He'd take the little intimacies.

He searched his vocabulary for a reasonable response. His drug induced brain could only spout out: "Ergh."

She pressed a cup filled with a strong blend of tea between his hands and continued to fuss around him. "I knew you hated Music Night, but I didn't think it was that bad."

At least Mai was getting some enjoyment out of his suffering. He couldn't even recall how he managed to get home. Last he checked it had been the middle of the morning, and with the way his body was becoming to feel sluggish, he just knew it was close to sunset. The effects of alcohol amplified the lack of sun in his bender bones. "I didn't think four was a bad number."

"You can't even drink **one** glass of the milder brews, Zuko," She pulled him out of his seat after he gulped down most of the bitter tasting brew, took the cup from his hands and managed to push him through one of the doors in the suite they occupied. "If it was politics, I could have begged off, but Music Night is family, Zuko. Uncle Iroh would know something was wrong if you don't show up."

He stopped, resisted her push then tugged her closer so that he could see her face to face. She was distracted with trying to get him ready, she didn't notice the change in demeanor first. He waited patiently, Mai would notice sooner or later. She always noticed. When she lifted her eyes to his, he gave a half-smile. "Would it matter if they noticed?"

There was a long pause. Her smile became brittle on her face, and then she leaned down and placed her forehead against his arm. "Of course it would. They're family. We should put an appearance that all is right with the world."

He wrapped his arms around her, he missed her so much. "But is all right with the world, Mai?"

She looked up at him, and then gave him a small sad smile. "It will be."

oOo

Mai fingered one of her daggers underneath her robe as she listened silently to people taking their turns playing their instruments and singing. Zuko was offered the Tsungi horn a couple of times, but he declined. He could usually be persuaded to play, but only when he was happy.

Ursa had taken Zanmei and Mai's mother had taken Shenzu so she was left alone with a very tense Fire Lord watching Music Night. One of the Earth Court Ladies, Mai had blissfully forgotten her name, had offered her hand to Zuko for a dance.

Before Zuko could offer another negation, Mai pushed Zuko towards the floor. "Dance, you should relax."

He doesn't dance. He hated dancing. He barely tolerated it with Mai, and only to make her happy, but she wasn't in the mood for one and she had bribed someone to do it for her. None of the Fire Nation courtiers could have been bribed to do that. He'd already made it perfectly clear to them a second wife was out of the question. But here, in the Earth Nation, especially since Mai was the one who arranged it? Maybe he'd find some semblance of happiness.

He gave her a frown before he went along rigidly with the Earth Nation Lady. Iroh deftly took Zuko's place beside Mai. "Not enjoying Music Night, Mai?"

"I rarely enjoy anything, Uncle," Mai retorted in her flat voice as she watched Zuko be led awkwardly around the tea shop. They had pushed the low tables aside to make room for the revelry.

"If you knew the vine disliked the thorns, why plant roses around the vineyard, Lady Mai?" Iroh asked softly, taking a small sip of the warm tea that was abundantly provided in these celebrations.

Mai closed her eyes. Why had she told Zuko that they would put up appearances? She knew that Iroh was going to be perceptive, more perceptive that Ursa. "Because they're the only plant that the vineyard can grow."

Iroh took a sip of tea from the cup that he brought. It was another reason why Mai disliked talking with Zuko's uncle. Not only were the conversations obscure, they were also slow. "Maybe that's because you haven't tried planting something else."

Something broke inside Mai. Suddenly, she couldn't stand talking in this metaphor anymore. "He deserves better than me, Uncle," Mai whispered as her eyes followed her husband around the room. He was not exactly clumsy with the dance. He was too much of a bender to be clumsy. But his movements were rigid and stiff. Firebending doesn't always mean the grace of the waterbenders, but there was controlled force when he moved.

Mai looked at her uncle by marriage, realizing that she was wearing her heart on her sleeve. Uncle Iroh had been watching her watch Zuko and she wondered if he'd seen the longing there. "Mai, maybe you should be thinking that you deserve him," Iroh said softly. Iroh stood up, squeezed her shoulder reassuringly before leaving her.

She closed her eyes, because it had been unbearable to keep them open and look for someone who had once belonged to her. But apparently, her distress was so palpable that Zuko was in front of her in an instant, concern showing. "Hey, hey, do you want to go? You look upset. Mother and Uncle volunteered to watch Shenzu and Zanmei for the night."

She shook her head. It would never do. If she wanted to find for him some semblance of happiness, she could give him this. "Why don't you try entertaining the other ladies instead? I can find my way home."

Zuko frowned slightly as he looked back at the lady he'd abandoned then looked at her. "Mai, please don't tell me you just hired a courtesan to please me." A few years ago, he would not have been perceptive enough to notice. How the court had changed him so.

"Why would I do that?" Mai asked slowly, she suddenly had the feeling that she had made things worse. He was her liege. Surely he would understand that it was the woman who set up the courtesans, the liaisons. It was a way of turning a blind eye. "The Fire Lord deserves Court Ladies and Nobles."

"Agni's ashes, Mai!" Zuko cursed in a fierce whisper. He tugged her up then almost dragged her through the doorway leading outside without saying goodbye to their parents or to uncle Iroh. There was a desperate air to the way he was walking. He took a couple of deep breaths in the cool breeze before letting her go. "What were you **thinking**?"

"You need a second wife," Mai insisted. It was against her nature to make a scene that they continued on the conversation in strained whispers while they walked briskly towards the Earth Nation Palace. Because obviously she wasn't enough for him anymore.

"Agni, save me from you!" Zuko shouted, eyes blazing with fury. She had known that her husband was capable of fierce anger, but she'd never seen it directed at her before.

Mai closed her eyes, reached out for him and touched his sleeve. "I am."

He turned his gaze on the hand on her hand and his eyes narrowed. She let go hastily. He promptly deposited her on the palanquin that they'd use to come here, his voice the harsh gravel of anger when he'd just used firebending. "Take her to our rooms at the Earth Kingdom."

"Let me take Zanmei and Shenzu home," Mai whispered. She pushed out the curtain from the palanquin to look at him. He wasn't looking at her.

"I'll take care of it. Mother and Uncle have been complaining they don't see enough of their grandchildren." He was going to send them away for the night. Would he send her away too? "I'll be home later, Mai. I'm just going to say good-bye to... everyone and... bend this off."

She gripped the pillows of the palanquin. He didn't turn to look at her even when the palanquin bearers took her away.

oOo

Zuko felt empty after bending that much fire into the night sky, enough that he'd felt safe to go home. He'd known that Mai was unhappy with him, but enough that she'd simply give him **away**? It was a slap in the face.

She was his brightest flame, his hottest fire. How could that suddenly turn to ashes?

He had known that the feeling of unhappiness would have blazed over them but it had suddenly crested at this moment. He had already told Mai once that all he needed was her, so was this her way of saying that she didn't want him anymore?

She'd been discontent.

They had moved against each other like shadows in flickering lights, hovering, but never touching. He had thought that they had mastered this game well when they were still courting. About talking without words, and listening to the mood of one another without verbalizing. But apparently, sometimes, familiarity breeds miscommunication in the most painful of ways.

They had been given one of the best suites the Earth Nation Palace could afford. He was thankful they'd refused both of their parents for room and board. They could hash it out in the middle of their own wing without either of their parents knowing. She'd been preparing for bed, going through the motions of getting ready. Moving without thinking. Had they really been destined to burn brightly and then be extinguished so suddenly?

He looked at her familiar face, and sometimes he could see the Mai that had once loved him. He should have talked to her before this, but he thought it would all go away. But now he couldn't really pretend that everything was all right, because everything wasn't. But he wished he could because in that moment, going through the motions of something ordinary, he understood that he wanted that with her. Something ordinary.

"Mother and Uncle wanted to keep Zanmei and Shenzu for the night." A Beat of silence. "What's wrong, Mai?" he whispered as he knelt down in front of her, stilling her hands that had been abruptly too busy combing her hair. There were pain in the words, something she had been accustomed to as of late. "Why am I making you so unhappy?"

oOo

She was frustrated. Because really, how could he ask her that? How could she be **happy** when the reason for her happiness was decidedly not? Zuko had friends, and despite Azula and Ozai, he had family in Ursa and Iroh. She had no one else but **him**, because Tom-tom and their children were still too young for this drama. Because she was never as close to her parents as he had been with Iroh and Ursa. "You don't want me anymore, Zuko. Of course I'm going to be unhappy."

He tensed in her hands, clenching her slender fingers against the comb before dropping them. She looked at him and saw horror mixed with outrage. "Where did you get a crazy idea like that? I've always wanted you Mai, sometimes too much for my own good." He buried his face on her hair, hiding that quiet anguish amidst her robes. "You walk in the room and I want you. You smile and I want you. You **breathe** and I want you so much."

There was truth enough in those words. You couldn't deny the feeling that he professed, even if his whole body wasn't against her to resonate with that anguish, she would have felt the longing wrapped in those words. It hadn't been what she was contesting at all. "You may **want** me, but you never touch me!"

"Well of **course** I wouldn't touch you!" The words hurt her too much. They've been dancing around these words for months. She had known he wouldn't come to her, but to hear him say it was devastating. "You've miscarried a baby!"

She had known that was going to be the reason. How could he **not** blame her? She blamed herself. She had lost something he wanted so badly because she was inadequate. Court words, her mother's words. They were all circling around her. "This is why I think you should look for a second wife, so that you can have more children."

He stopped shaking and then sagged into her, leaning his head on her shoulders as he sat beside her on the large chair that occupied the dresser. "I don't **need** a second wife, Mai. All I want is you. I don't need more children if I can't be with you." It would have been better if he didn't want her. It would have been better for them if he didn't **love** her.

He could have had concubines, more children from other women, and he wouldn't be this **wrecked**. She would have wasted away with the lack of his love, but he would have survived without her.

There was a long pause between them, as they absorbed the hurt that had been spiraling around for months. He shifted and turned her face towards him, and she wished he hadn't done that because then they could see each other's pain. "I know firebenders have difficult pregnancies, Mai! But please, could you please, please find it in your heart to forgive me? You loved me once."

The difficult Fire Nation pregnancies were the reason why laws in concubinage were set. The firebender conceiving problems were the reason there was such a low birth rate. A firebender's essence was sometimes too hot to keep with a non-bender wife.

It took her a moment to understand what he said. She hadn't been talking to him because there had been enough hurt in her end when the pregnancy terminated. She just hadn't realized that he would have thought the miscarriage was his fault.

"Blame **you**?" Mai protested as she stood up from the chair moving away from her husband. It was her turn to splutter. Why would she blame him? If they were assigning blame he should blame her. "I'm always violent during sex. And we're not even supposed to have sex when I'm pregnant. Li and Lo said so. And well... my body might not be good enough to carry children. Tom-tom and I have a fifteen year age gap. Mom miscarried a lot."

When the doctors had told Mai she'd miscarried, she'd almost pushed everyone away. It had been a bitter affair for her, and painfully alone so empty and incomplete. Because she had lost something of hers, and she thought both she and Zuko had put the blame rightly on her.

"I wouldn't blame you for that! Agni, Mai, I would never blame you for that!" he argued fiercely. They hadn't even **known** she was pregnant immediately. The third pregnancy came too soon after her the second pregnancy. She hadn't even understood why she had been bleeding so long in her monthly courses until she found the courage to talk to a healer.

"Well if you won't blame me, then why blame yourself? It doesn't make sense. You're an idiot." He smiled. It would make sense that he would smile when she insulted him. Zuko the masochist.

"I thought you hated me. I thought I was grieving alone," he confessed as he wrapped his arms around her. Feeling the need to be near her. It hadn't made sense in both sides. But she guessed there was enough guilt to go around. Zuko had always wallowed more in misery, and she had never been a much brighter color than the Fire Nation's muted reds.

She pressed her face on his chest. "Are you... depressed?"

"I'm sad that we lost a child, Mai, but I'm happy that you're with me. Is that wrong?" His arms around her tightened. "It's been months and months since we've lost... him, and we have both Zanmei and Shenzu. It hurts me, because how could it not? But I think of what I have and I think, it's time to move on."

"We should have announced the death, we shouldn't have kept it to ourselves," Mai murmured as she traced the embroidery on Zuko's robe. "It wasn't that we were hiding it, it was just that Zanmei was just six months when I got pregnant again, and it would have hung a pall over her. And it just didn't seem real. We both didn't suspect anything, and there was just a tinge of too much blood."

"We'll do it properly this time. Go home. Burn the proper things. Wear white."

"We did that before too. But it was just the two of us." They hadn't talked about it. They'd just continued with their lives, as if nothing was wrong, as if she hadn't failed him. She hadn't even been confined to the sickbed. She'd been given plenty of fluids and been told to — there's that quaint phrase again — avoid sexual congress, and then sent home. He wanted to fill the house with children, and she couldn't even manage three.

"We'll tell the family, then. They would matter."

And then, because they needed a little levity, she said, "It's a wonder the rest of the nation didn't find out before. Your healers have the most amazing secrecy policy."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry about tonight. I wasn't thinking. I just thought that — " And then she kissed him. Because after the pain, they needed to be together again. He returned it. All was forgiven. He was sorry too.

Then suddenly he stopped, held a restraining hand out to protest, "But you've been so tired, Mai, and you've been avoiding me like the plague, and your doctors said that we shouldn't."

"I've been tired, because I thought you hated and blamed me, because I thought you didn't want me." She reveled in the closeness, because it had been that long since she felt him around her. She had missed the sex, but she had missed the little things too, the closeness, talking. She just missed being together. "It's been**months**, Zuko, **months**. The doctors told me we could try again. Didn't they tell you we could try again?"

"Maybe until both the children are old enough to take care of a young one. I don't want you tiring yourself out." He stopped, and a series of arguments went through his eyes, which she saw he'd ignored, was distracted from by her hand and then rebutted. Finally he settled on, "And no, your doctors didn't tell me. They probably thought you will. And... well why haven't you been visiting **me**?"

Her turn to fidget. "Well you made it clear you didn't want me. And I wasn't going to push. And besides. It's your turn."

He opened his mouth, and then closed it again. He hadn't known that she was keeping track.

"This is as much my fault as it is yours you know." Mai sighed, as she leaned against him. "I should have known you were just too dorky to initiate anything."

He breathed in. "Does this mean I'm forfeiting my turn?"

"Of course, soldier. Because dorks need to be punished so **badly**."

And suddenly, though everything was not yet all right... it was on its way there.

* * *

**End Notes**

Really difficult to write. Mostly because it's really hard to write about miscarrying and about that kind of loss. And I had to deal with the kids. At two and three. Which means I had to find out how two and three year olds really acted.

This is largely patterend on how a Filipino child would be in this setting, because that's what I know. A younger child would always refer to her brother as "Older brother - Name" and parents would call each other papa, and mama while with their children so that their children would emulate and know what to call them.

This is also true in a Chinese family or a Japanese family. Mei mei is younger sister, and gege is older brother. So if Azula was respectful towards her brother (oh haha), she'd always call him Gege Zuko. Or simply, Gege. In Japanese that would go: Zuko-nii/Zuko-niichan or simply Oniisan/Oniichan/Oniisama (more appropriate with -sama since he's a prince) or more formally, Aniue (again more appropriate since he's a prince... flashback to Vision of Escaflowne...) Sooo that about clear? I'm pretty sure all you guys and gals who follow Japanese anime/manga would understand the reference. :)

I'm quite unsure if I went from mad to sad to all right with just the right amount of time.

Creation myth was largely changed from the _Myth of Houyi_, the God of Archery. The suns being turned to elixir was all me.

With this, the Control!arc is nicely finished. I may, uh from time to time write in it (from a purely pRon perspective), but this was what I originally planned. I wanted an arc that dealt with Chinese/Asian culture in avatar, but also dealt with Mai and Zuko as a couple. And this arc dealt with that.

Engagement (because I was going insane with the number of fics that had Zuko giving Mai an engagement necklace... because he was **water tribe**that way. I'd understand if he was marrying Katara but Mai... Seriously? ...

Marriage, the concubines, the wet nurses, prostitution in ancient china, contraceptives in ancient china, pregnancies... there's a lot of material in the culture that's widely untapped. I really like these details and that's why this was written. To satisfy my yearning for detail. Which is another reason why sometimes it seemed dry (I need to rewrite some of it)

All of these are things that existed in Ancient china, and well, may be squicky now, and well Avatar is it's OWN story, and clearly a meld of a lot of cultures (hence me melding a lot of things! And researching... a lot of things!) but I thought Ancient china needed a representation with all of the very western fics.

MY NEXT PROJECT (after finishing that darned Nabiki fic that I need to finish, really) would be to write an AU that deals with Zuko and Mai in modern day China, or Hong Kong or Taiwan or Japan ... something that's completely Asian. Because there have been a lot of AUs that place Zuko and Mai in the US, but I have yet to see one which deals with them as you know... Asians. *headache* tons of research that.

It would go water tribe: native americans (I don't know much about native americans, because well I'm not american, so most of my research would deal with this). Earth Nation... Korean/Taiwanese. Fire Nation... Chinese/Japanese? That sound right to you? Because I know Fire Nation Military was mainly Japanese Influenced, even if the culture is still largely Chinese. (again avatar wiki backed up so there)

OR MAYBE a mythological AU piece! But lots of work there. I would have to world build a lot. And it can't be one shots, because I'd have to connect it. -_-; oh there goes my plot bunny... it's jumping up and down. *SQUASH*

It could be Zuko teaching another godling to become a god (which is... argh... how is that going to end up Maiko? It'll end up genfic with little Maiko! I want a Maiko with a good deal of GEN). Or the young god Zuko takes a bridal offering... again how is that Maiko? garrr... I can't see Mai ever being human if zuko is in the spirit realm as a minor god. Besides, if Zuko takes a bride, I can see the beginning, but I have to formulate an ENDING and a MIDDLE for it to work. It has to go SOMEWHERE, otherwise I won't be able to write it.

I still don't have a story board for either. I know how the world works in either of the stories, but I'd need a plot to work out. Which I don't seem to have yet. I need a sounding board. :(

Tell me what you guys think. ... both the story and the next project haha :)


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